Einsamkeit
Monday, April 28, 2008
  Hilarious
Today in school, during one of the many breaks we have to wait through, my clique played an incredibly awesome questionnaire/storyline game. So awesome, I have to blog it here. =)

The game goes like this; We have to answer a series of ''meme-styled'' questions, compile them. Then someone will fit the meme-answers into a series of sentences so that it will sound like it's a complete story or at least, a PWP.

So what my story/PWP sounded something like this,
"I met Russell Brand at the Neoprint place."
Q:"Does he look ugly?"
"Definitely, you bet!"
Q: "How many times did you had sex with him? And where?"
"6, at the Neoprint place."
Q: "Wow, what did he give you in the end?"
"Anything girly."
Q: "And what did he say to you at the end?"
"Let's go to the neoprint place..."

Bah, it's hard to explain here. One has to be involved to enjoy it fully.

In other news, this is my team's entry for the Theory 11 CCC. Watch if you are visually-inclined. Thank you!


Can't wait for labour day holiday.
 
Friday, April 25, 2008
  Pleasant news
My suspicion as stated in my previous post is proved accurate! Those individuals in my course are indeed metalheads. *throws black coloured confetti and horns up* I am so happy to know like-minded people are within my vincity almost everyday now and that I finally feel normal for once. Haha!

Anyway, to have a short introduction of the 2 awesome people, we have Timothy who listens to old school metal and abit of black metal (at least that's what I know so far) and Anitha who listens to trash and power metal. Very extremely nifty. =) Now, I have a reason to dig out my (scant amount of) metal shirts and iron them. Haha! We might even go to gigs together next time! How nifty can things get? ^^

Can't wait to hang out with them more, inside school or outside. lol.

Looks like I won't be a retired metalhead any time soon with them around. Keep the spirit high, legions! XD

Hell, I don't even mind if my university applications aren't smooth now. The people at my poly course are nice enough, and I am studying something I definitely could enjoy and relate to. It's indeed not a bad option, afterall.

Then again, my dad dreamt I got into NTU. =/

Bah. *goes off to flourish*
 
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
  Content
I met Yvonne in school today before I was about to depart school for home, it's a great feeling to meet someone you know for years in school. It made my day easily. I hope she'll be free enough for us to meet for lunch sometime soon. =)

I received a deck of Absolute Vodkas from Morten who is from Norway, very nice gift indeed. The deck is significantly thinner and they handle well for cuts. This made my day too. Thanks, Morten! Nifty namecard you got there too. =)

I also received my Subway membership card this evening, now my wallet is getting abnormally thick. >_>

I realised my blog is getting scant and very uninteresting, my apologies. I am developing a thing where I have difficulties getting my thoughts out in complete coherent sentences, people call it "Writer's block" I believe. I have no idea, but I know I have nothing much to rant about, since my teenage angst is largely gone. I'm 19, hardly a teen now anyway. Lol. Speaking of teenage thingies, I have been relishing my earlier days recently, by listening to my old burned CDs of songs I used to listen to obsessively in my lower secondary days. It was a highly pleasurable experience, to remain in touch with your memories from time to time and to just let go of your "worries about the future" and be noslagtic.

Like for example, when I clicked on "How you remind me" by Nickelback. My inner core just went, "Awww" and I kept a smile listening to it. That song reminded me very heavily of NCHS' Secondary 1 trip to KL, Malaysia in June 2002, of which the above song was on frequent play in my discman. I was only 13 then, such an incredibly young age that I have difficulties relating to right now. I remember very vividly the long night-long bus ride to the Firefly attraction, to the seafood restuarant at the side of the barren highway, to Coral Hotel where we wrecked havco by playing Hotel-Hide-and-Seek all night... It was just incredible, surreal too. I could recall Kailing, SiPing and some others who started a Truth or Dare thing in the tour bus, when I got interrograted by the entourage, I spilled that I have a thing for Alden. Such silly things... =P Good memories though. It's not something you will get to fool around when you start to reach adulthood. I wonder how people can get so conceited, fake, unnecessarily complicated and hypocritical in such a short time during their teenage years. If only people carry some of their purity in their lives, everything will be much more pleasant, no more backstabbing, no more stupid rumours, no more unneeded gossipings, no more bad karma, no more politics, no more mindgames. Isn't that much appealing than feeling constricted with doubtful thoughts all day long? =)

Then again, my sister would rebuke me but stating, "Things are like that! Stop whining and just do your own shit." True, but it's not a very pleasant way to think of things. One must always have a hope...
 
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
  Change
Well, it's been 3 days into the school term at my next studying destination - NYP. Not sure of what to say of it, but it's definitely a far far vast gap away from what I experienced back in JC, in terms of lecture-speed and the depth of the topic covered. For example, in anatomy and pysiology's cell structure portion, they only listed down the organelles and gave 1 liners for their functions with no detailed pictures accompanying the notes. It's, unfortunately, very brief. Sigh. But, I am slightly challenged for the Radiation Physics module, it's been more than 2 years since I thought in terms of physics, but, I see no problems so far. It's just formulae and subsituting values. =) The timetable is very staggered as well, with many breaks in between, and quite abit of early dismissals. Definitely very different from the hectic schedule I have undergone back in JC. I had sociology lecture today, the new perspective of looking at things is rather nifty, but I have to disagree on the part where people's actions are dependent on societal factors, you can't deny the fact that there are people who are strong-willed and has his own ideals. Ah wells.

Another thing that I am not used to is the sudden influx of metalheads around me in an academic environment. I used to be the isolated case study in both secondary school and JC, doing my own kvlt thing secretly. Now I see people walking around in metal shirts and boots, I feel normal suddenly, for once. Haha! I have witnessed 8 to 10 metalheads just today, one with a full gear of a Morbid Angel shirt, black pants and boots. I went, "Hmm! Nice sight!" Two people in my course are suspected metalheads because one wore an Iced Earth shirt, one wore a Megadeth shirt. I am not too sure if I want to confirm my conjecture or to expose my idenity yet. Who knows? They might just happen to own the shirts or they are posers. Thirdly, there might be a very high chance that I will be the most br00tal kvlt metalhead amongst them all... Haha!

Thou shalt not think I have conceded defeat to polytechnic, I remind you. I still very much yearn for a green light from the Universities.

Other side notes: I went to AMK Hub for lunch today, a group of American Mormons joined my table at Subway due the shortage of seats. When I saw their nametags, I went, "Oh my. Christians, and worse, Mormons!" then continued to eat. But we talked for awhile, lol.

Then I saw a dude with coins embedded in his ears. That was an ultimate David Lynch moment, I felt as though I was in the set of Blue Velvet or something. Haha. Burr weird.
 
Saturday, April 12, 2008
  LOL
I was really getting misanthropically bored out of my dear skull and then Vika sent me a thingy that cracked me up. Really pleasant intermission of my weekend-shunyata. ^_^

She sent me this link to this picture:HAHA! Then we went on to talk about printing sci-fi stories and porn on toilet paper. And saying that we could start a business by charging people by the minute in the toilet with the special toilet rolls. Lol.
 
  Organic Chemistry is love!

One very bored Saturday noon and I am watching this lecture on my own accord... Such a nerd I am. Reminds me so much of those crazy lectures back in JC. Yummy stuff.

 
Thursday, April 10, 2008
  Death and some servings of melancholy.
Death because I woke up to a piece of news that someone living 2 floors above me committed suicide at my apartment block in the wee hours of this morning. He [rumours from the market says he's a father of a 10 year old boy and a sole breadwinner] landed near the rubbish chute area, not a very nice landing spot if you ask me. Anyway, it's not something you see often here in Singapore, so it caused quite a stir amongst the neighbours. I just think it's a nice detail to take note because you can tell tales of it to new tenants in the future and start a new horror craze or something. Lol. Geez, I better stop elaborating or commenting on this incident because I feel unnatural cold breezes around me suddenly. I just wish the guy will be delivered from that wrathful experience and let the soul rest well henceforth. Om mani padme hum. =)

Melancholy because I was viewing biology animations at Youtube and I felt so depressed out of a sudden. Devoted readers would know I screwed up for my favourite subject - Biology at the final crucial moment at A Levels, so it's impossible for me to pursue any higher learning in that subject in University. So I was viewing the animations and feeling very much messed up inside. It's like meeting someone you love but you can't talk to him... Something along that line. It's really quite bad. I was still very much impressed at the majestic quality of those biological processes that I learnt back in JC and to be truthful, I am still swooning in love with every bit of that subject. Then, I said to myself, "Ack, this is not the end of my journey with Biology. I will get back to it eventually at some point of my life."

Just view the below video and experience biology's beauty for yourself:


Sigh... How fucking beautiful is that?
 
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
  Of boredom and mental struggle
I did the impossible today. I took up the initiative and went for a jog this evening, which wasn't too much of a success truthfully. I was in the mindset I could at least do a continous jog for 15 minutes or something, so I used a rather quick pace and went for a steady run. Shit, I, then, realised my body wasn't in the right mode for it, plus the after-effects of my week long illness made my body really incapable of such cardiac activity. Adding into account that I have not attempted any form of cardio exercise since the end of my NAPFA test back in JC2, I felt incredibly unfit at the end of the run walk. But the sweating part is pretty awesome to feel. =) Ah wells!

That's the part about boredom, because 2008 feels like one big shunyata if you ask me. Nothing is really happening...

Now about the part about mental struggle. Actually, it's not too much of a struggle as in coming of a definitive conclusion/decision. It's just a situation that I found myself to be stuck in of which I really disliked. Well, I applied at 2 polytechnics in sync with the university applications, as a backup plan in case my university applications weren't smooth. You'd know. My A Level grades aren't good enough for an ensured smooth transition to varsity. So yeah, I got offered a place at Nanyang Polytechnic, at their Diagnostic Radiography course. It's only meant for A Level holders, but any sane being won't want to be wasting additional time at an insitution to get a diploma when he could head elsewhere to get a degree. People around me are telling me to abandon the Poly route, denouncing it, and rather advise me to retake my A Levels or head to a privatised university like SIM or something. I really have no idea. I won't want to live on the wild side and risk withdrawing from polytechnic because at least it's a path I could undertake and do something with, albeit not much. People also told me it's a path [polytechnic's] which won't lead me anywhere far. However, I don't wish to dangle around in case my university applications failed and go self-study for another try at the A Levels, which will be a challenging task as studying alone without structure is insane. Fuck. So fucked. I am so messed up inside, you can't even draw a mindmap out of my mind...

Polytechnic orientation this coming Friday. I guess I should carry a serious mindset when I go there, who knows? I might really end up there for my next 3 years. My eyes are tainted with bleakness.

Ironically, a few nights ago, in one of my dreams in my sleep, something amazing occured. A bodhisattva - Guan Yin/Avaloeskitesvara/Chenrezig/Goddess of Mercy appeared in my dream. Well, she/he just walked peacefully beside me, and I walked peacefully beside him/her. He/she was really ivory white and really majestic in composure, with a strange yet compelling and gentle quality of light emitting from him/her in all directions. Fantastic sensation to behold.

Then, I thought, "Hell, I hope he/she is taking care of my next academic path! Make it smooth, bodhisattva!" I thought again, "Meh, that's bullshit wishful thinking!"

See? What a mental mess I am entrenched in.
 
Sunday, April 06, 2008
  Meme time!
Since there has been alot of negativity (I have gotten well, anyway) around this place recently, I shall inject some mindless crap now. I yoinked this meme from Valie, if you want to know. So, decant your grey matter and let me type chunks of information that will be largely irrevelant to many of your lives! Yay.
----------------------
1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
You said it. That person is a lover, love knows no boundaries. Forgive but remain aware of his/her misgivings. Then again, I have severely limited experience in this field of expertise, who am I to pass comments?

2.What will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
It depends entirely on the context, dear interrogator. If it involves some trivial details like food or what not, are you going to be so anal? If not, it would show that we are not completely complementary thus incompatible.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
One complete with the absence of the conventional, good food, invitation of a live (good) metal band, my yet-to-appear lover in His full glorious regalia. Dress code: black and nothing else. Ending with a night of the "warm and fuzzy"/debauchery with my yet-to-appear lover in the fashion of The Lifestyle. Oh, dear future-lover, appear yourself already...

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
My academic path. I do not wish to be stuck in a polytechnic. Nuff said.

5. What's your ideal lover like?
Someone whose gestures, speech, expressions will bring me to dazzling temperatures and/or freezing depths. Someone with the innate ability to pierce my soul and observe me from afar, like a gazing vulture. Someone cruel and intense. Someone who could carry an intelligent and sustainable conversation. Someone eloquent. Someone nihilistic and somewhat bitter. Someone who dwells in His shadows, never hasty in revealing His Identity. Someone who speaks with strength. Someone who is able to love wholeheartenly, yet is sparing in offering Himself. Someone perfect. Someone unobtainable.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
Loving someone, in all directions. It is always better to see someone being loved and cared for.

7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
As much as my rational mind opposes me, I, very sentimentally, would wait. Yes, I will be a very tortured person.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Just continue to secretly appreciate his existence. It should be good enough.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
My stupid new pair of shoes. My Achilles' area is blistered. Otherwise, the prospect of polytechnic. Fuck no.

10. What do you want most in life?
To be happy and live life my way. No holds barred. Other than that, bountiful amounts of knowledge and to cultivate wisdom. I shall not state materialistic wants here, how very shameful is it to express that in a public domain?

11. Is being tagged fun?
I want to sleep, actually.

12. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
Alright this question eh? Next!

13. Who is currently the most important person to you?
Nobody. Sad, yes.

14. What kind of person do you think I am?
Valie is a great friend to have, our shared passion in Channel 8 9pm dramas have furthur deepened our friendship, can I say that? Lol.

15. What is the most unforgettable thing/event in your life?
Everything is relative, I can't decide.

16. If the person you secretly like cannot recognise you, what would you do/how would you react?
You said it, it's secretly. You are invisible to that party if you do it secretly.

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
What a retarded question, of course I would. It's part and parcel of The Lifestyle.

18. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
The one with more shared interests or with more ticks against my (excessively high) expectations as stated above.

19. What type of friends do you like?
Funny, whacked-out-of-their-minds, easygoing, able to hold a decent interesting conversation ( a diminishing quality, I observed). Would be a bonus if they share any common interest.

20.If you played a prank on someone, and he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
Prank? Grow up.
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I now yoink this meme to the victims as stated below!
- Vika
- Lenodyas Matyn Scarpia Whatever Mythical Names He Bestows Himself With or DRasula.
- Sin Yi My Dear Hookee and a monthly victim of Womb Pain
- Alden
.... I have no idea who's next.
 
The human destiny is forever limited by the idiocy of bureaucracy and the excesses of social expectations. - LingNemesis, 2007 C.E.

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Metal-Listener. Card Flourisher. Aspiring Philosopher. Selective Mugger. Ubermensch-to-be. Inspired by Dharma. Nihilist. The Almost Misanthrope. Yogini. Film Enthusiast. Into everything Occult and the Esotercism. Anti-Pretentious Social Situations. Anti-Religion. Anti-Normal. Observer of This Fucked-Up World. Autodidact. Philomath. Capricorn Cusp Aquarius. Leo Ascendent. Taurus Moon Sign. Economic Left/Right: -1.88 Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -2.05.

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