Monday, February 27, 2006
Ban Bread!
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU! ¶ 4:30 pm
- More than 98% of convicted felons are bread users.
- Fully HALF of all children who grew up in bread consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
- In the 18th century, where virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were exceptionally high; many woman died in childbirth and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.
- More than 90% of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
- Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month.
- Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease as well as osteoporosis.
- Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread in as little as two days.
- Newborn babies can choke on bread.
- Bread is baked in temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
- Bread has proven to absorb water. Since the human body is 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread pudding person.
- Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babble.
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU! ¶ 4:30 pm
LingNemesis' Heroes
Thus Spake Cthulhu
