Sunday, March 09, 2008
  My life just hit a new low.
I felt that it is better for me to type something here to vent out my thoughts rather than to be bottled in my morass of thoughts any longer.

So yes, I got back my A Levels results on Friday. Rather, very catastrophic, I must add. University life is not completely ruled out yet, but I still feel pretty bruised inside. Bruised in a way that I will have to let go of opting for a science-based course and make the switch to another field, perhaps social sciences or Economics. It's an especially tough obstacle that I will have to brace myself for, when I have a deep-rooted conviction all these years since upper secondary that biology is my vocation. Well, if you are wondering, biology chose to disappoint me at this very cruical moment of all examinations I have had in JC by plummeting 2 to 3 grades down from my preliminary exam grade. Very gallant of you, Biology. This feels like dealing with a breakup. The sense of betrayal is too harsh and it came too sudden. This is the second time in my life I have felt so lost, so bruised, so helpless. I will never ever look at Biology the same way again...

Other than that emotional upheaval (not in a positive connotation) that I am experiencing now. I must say that my Economics grade did gave me abit of a surprise. I recalled not studying much for it (only browsed through the notes a few days before the exam) and by reasoning, I freestyled my way during that 3 hour long exam. That session of freestyling gave me my one and only "A" grade, unfortunately. Considering the fact that I never touched the fringes of As/Bs during my normal economic exams, this aspect of my results is somewhat pleasant.

Well, my other subjects did according to my humble expectations, so I have nothing to complain about.

But still! Ling is bruised. And, this time, she is not enjoying that.

Instead of dwelling in what has already happened like how I would usually do when I was younger, I shall give thought to my next destination in life. I'm getting increasingly convinced that the path of sciences/mathematics isn't for me. I was merely following the conventional trend and found myself struggling relentlessly to keep myself above the water in both upper secondary and JC. It has been a route filled with hardships. Many people around me *parents* would have retorted me by saying I haven't put in my fullest effort yet, but to be honest with myself, I couldn't find the emotional linkage to learning science anymore... It's just another race.

I have consulted my secondary school teacher/good friend, Mr. Neo, about the choice of going over to courses like Sociology, Psychology, he said it's a good choice. I'm inclined towards that field of studies since the start of my JC life, self-reading about philosophy, current affairs and getting very interested in different cultures and societies etc. Maybe it might be a good thing for me to do the switch afterall, since I have some prior interest.

I have no idea...
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The human destiny is forever limited by the idiocy of bureaucracy and the excesses of social expectations. - LingNemesis, 2007 C.E.

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