Sunday, August 28, 2005
  School of Metal!
Dear readers of this blog, me and my crap MSN crapper Fariza has somehow came up with a revolutionary idea of a school based on metal music and its various mannerisms. Wow.

Okay, to cut the bullshit stright, here are the details.

School Principal - Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden.
School Vice Principal - Joey Jordison of Slipknot.
School Mentor - Ozzy Obsoures of Ozzy family (duh!) and Black Sabbath.
School Official Counsellor - Corey Taylor of Slipknot. (His counselling session will consist of Jumping the fuck up and to point the middle finger in the air and wildly flung insults.)
School English Lecturer - Dani Filth of Cradle of Filth. (This guy here has masters in English! I will do his comprehensions with lots of effort!)
School Finnish Lecturer - Ville Valo of HIM. (101% concentration in class!)
School Nowegian Lecturer -
Shagrath of Dimmu Borgir. (Death is in the air!)
School Italian Lecturer - Cristina Scabbia of Lacuna Coil.
School German Lecturer -
Till Lindemann of Rammstein.
School Arts Lecturer - Marilyn Manson of Marilyn Manson. (Way cool!)
School PE Lecturer - Shawn Crahan Clown. (PE lessons range from crowd diving to brawls on stage to throwing baseball bats accurately.)
School Vampirism Lecturer - Lestat de Lioncourt. (Lessons on victim selecting and coffin/fang care.)

Next, the school issues.
The School Motto : 'Metal for Life. Life for Metal.'
The School Sub-Motto : 'Fuck mainstream.'
The School Hall banner :'Fuck it all! Fuck this world! Fuck everything that you stand for!'

IMPORTANT : All forms of mathematics and science subjects are Banned, with the glorious exception of that notorious albeit useful equation of 'People=Shit'.

The School Assembly will be held every Saturday Midnight and it will last for 66mins and 6 seconds. School Assembly will consist of Bruce/Joey enlightening speeches, a mini gig, and Black Mass conducted by Reverend Marilyn Manson. Yes, there will be nymphs for sacrifice and loads of bloodlust, I assure you.

The school song will be Funeral of Hearts by HIM, as students are expected to give up their hearts and lives for Metal, and partially this song is easy to sing.

The School Anniversary will be on 31st October, yes, you guessed that right. It's Halloween or All Hallow's Eve or subtly known as Satan's Birthday. There shall be a coprse painting contest, gigs, and a massive scaled Black Mass to garnish up the event.

Students are expected to don ALL BLACK at all times at all places. Once a student found breaking this code, he shall suffer the ends of Shawn's baseball bat and to be exiled. Of course, admission of emo teenagers, wannabes, posers, pop-punks pricks who listens to Blink 182/Simple Plan/Busted/Chemical Romance/I'm too disgusted to type more, are immediately not considered and rejected.

School Final Exam is to play a gig in front of Roadrunners Staff. If it's a good gig, the Roadrunners will signal to you a \m/ sign. If it's lousy, they will slam a middle finger in the face! Simple as that!

School hours are from 8pm to 1am. After that, students are able to choose to follow Lecturer Lestat for a bout of blood appreciating or to do whatever they like. All students are to be tucked in their coffins at 6am.

The school compound is a seemingly abandoned castle with nymph-filled forests (wisphers my name *haha!*) around it, complete with modern torture chambers and at-your-fingertips convience with mortals and their blood. One spanking school campus of a whooping size of 6.66ha.

The school will provide 24/7 round the clock quality metal music radio spanning the whole school compound.

So, parents? What are you waiting for? Enrol your kid! We ensure quality and all rounded education. Spaces are limited! Ballot for vacant spaces! You gotta live within 1km to get in, mind you!

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The human destiny is forever limited by the idiocy of bureaucracy and the excesses of social expectations. - LingNemesis, 2007 C.E.

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