To Bid You Farewell, 2008
As I figured I'd out wasting my time squeezing with other hundred thousands of equally bored people out in the town tomorrow night waiting for 5 minutes worth of fireworks or some form of amusement somehow, I shall post my final blog post now.
So, let's look back in the year 2008 from one aspect to another.
I felt strange in the year 2008, it feels as thought the year is divided into two parts. Before I gotten my A Level Results and after. Before I have acquired my results, I was just spending time working odd jobs and lazing away my time. There wasn't really anything happening, honestly. My emotions ranged from carefree joy to thinking capitalism is an evil concept because I had no travel concession so I had to spend alot on getting around to feeling extremely and intensely alienated due to my excessive lack of human contact. The sense of alienation was so immense that I actually felt misanthropic. Pretty bad it was. It was then that I have watched the most number of movies in the shortest time possible - like a mean number of 2 movies each day. During these first few months of 2008, I had my brush with a long terrible sickness which rendered me incapable to eat comfortably for nearly 2 weeks, which was my experience with insane rate of weight loss. Impressive, say the least.
Then, came the A Levels results, which changed my emotional state for the. worst. The set of grades didn't bring optimism for admission into the mainstream local universities, so I made to settle with a course and school I didn't have initial intention to. A sense of furthur alienation sunk into my consciousness, being unable to move on to university like a normal junior college student would, therefore losing out on the experience of going to a university. Trust me, this doesn't feel good, at all. So, henceforth, I could no longer laugh heartily and I have been ever more misanthropic. This doesn't help at all for my naturally introverted disposition... I just seem to take a deeper plunge into solitude; hoping I'd see nobody that I know on the streets when I am out; hoping nobody would come and shatter my silence; hoping nobody would ask me about my academic life or about anything for that matter. I grew to like isolation and silence. Drawing joy solely from music, movies and things I read. There were times, I felt as if the isolation and misanthropic atmosphere is so thick around me, enclosing me in, suffocating me. Madness.
Enough of wretchedness, you might want to inform me. Alright! Moving on!
I shall not touch on metal music listening, because that has became so routinised in me, I could no longer feel any significiance in happenings in this aspect. It's just a continual listen, numb to the variables of time and space. Haha. I have to give credits to albums like Cradle of Filth's Godspeed on The Devil's Thunder, Pain's Cynic Paradise, Eluveitie's Slainas, which gave some spice into my auditory cauldron though. Those are heavily impressive albums that are worth a hear. I just wish Lamc Productions or any production company would stop bringing in redundant shows *Ting Tings!* *Dream Theatre and A7X for the nth time!* and spend their resources on something worthwhile like *ahem* Opeth or Cradle of Filth or Immortal or Anything-is-better-than-TingTings.
I also shall not touch on card flourishing because I have been doing it for 4 years and counting, nohing is really worth going insane over. Except I finally slain procrastination and went out to film several individual videos which has proved to be comforting to me to see my ideas made flesh. You can witness my visual vicious vendetta below;
Expect for more arty farty videos from me in 2009!
On all things erudite, I must say I have attained a more diverse and comprehensive view of philosophy from my autodidactic endeavour, which has pleased the ravenous depths of my mind extensively. Also, I have watched more movies than ever (still less than the hell-bent Kevin who swore to watch every film in IMBD.com Top 250 and not go blind in the process, I know) this year, amounting to nearly 90 movies, that's close to watching a movie every 3 to 4 days or so on an average. Impressive for my raveous pair of beginner-filmwatching eyes. For the movies released this year, I have enjoyed Burn After Reading, No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Sweeney Todd *Sweet Rickman!*, Tokyo! (Japanese), Forgetting Sarah Marshall *even sweeter Russell Brand!*, Dark Knight, The Banishment (Russian) and Tropic Thunder most. Now, I am awaiting the opening of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Valkyrie next in the first quarter of 2009, to see Brad Pitt screw up his biological clock and to see Tom Cruise getting screwed by the Nazis for dissent. Whoo!
Enough of talking about myself!
I would like to take this cyber opportunity to extend my thanks to these people for making 2008 a bearable year.
My family. They are the best, no questions. I mean, come on, you have a sister who is an uprising singer and has a CD released and whom you can talk anything (ranging from movies to intellectual stuff) to, you have a brother who shares the humour and fun with, parents who make you laugh and appreciate. That is enough.
Rasul whose constant sessions of soul exposure, or more like him probing me into talking and me hearing his lewd and sardonic discourses about life and lunacy and people and his quatrains, brought much joy and distraction from life and living itself. His company has proven to be indispensible. Although he has always adovcated about leading life without any tender emotional endearments. I would like to give him one massive Platonic thank you. I hope I have made his 2008 interesting, say the least.
Alden - a friend that I have known for 8 years and counting. A person whom I can talk casually with, a person whom I can share my joys and sorrows and nonsense with. A person to whom I can let my guard down and admit "Yes, I am a sucker!". A true friend to me in more than 1 way, our shared interest in cards, metal music, The Face of Melinda, occult, nonsense, and most of all - misan behaviour. I can't imagine life without him. One amazing person despite his self-negating tendencies. Thank you, Alden! Let's have more misan in 2009!
Valerie whose shared conversations made me felt ever comfortable and less tense. It's really amazing to have you by my side, soothing out my nerves. Thank you, Valerie. Have a great 2009 ahead, whatever your endeavours be!
The Flourishers/Card Wielders - Jaspas, Leon, Jordan (later part of 2008), Ambrose, Stuart, Ben You, Kenneth (later part of 2008), Kevin (for the front part of 2008 when he is still in Singapore), for their continual meetups that made my Saturdays less dull and made me continously motivated to fiddle with my paper rectangles and to come up with new material. You guys are amazing friends to have; always there to inspire, to motivate, to make me laugh, to make me be interested in card flourishing continously, to spend time with, to push the art of cards together. I am very grateful for all of your presences. Let's make 2009 an even better year for the pasteboards! Viva la Flourishing!
Vika Korosec "Dust Puppy" for those nifty online chats, you have injected life into my life greatly and I appreciate the friendship and your temptations for me to head to MetalCamp endlessly. I would really wish to meet you in real 3 dimensional life someday, one day! Then we can go geek around, metal around, whatever. =)
To the rest of the humanity, thank you for making me realise you have too many flaws and superificial qualities and that I most probably hate you. ^^ You just made my socialising easier, I do not have to spend time doing trial and error work. Amazing.
Now, for 2009, I wish for normalcy for I innately know irony will come back in a catapult in your face and whatever you wish for will backfire somehow. Just give me normalcy, I will do the miracles myself. Wahahaha.
As 2008 sounds its death knells.
Only 3 days left in the year of 2008.
School begins again tomorrow for me, it is weird. People around are having some sort of closure for the year, while I am faced with the mindset of a new term, another start. It sort of screws up my sense of time and space, half of me will be recalling the past year and half of me will be trying to adapt to the new term once again and to get the momentum going again. The timetable is terrible that way, to screw up my sense of time and space, making my mind go topsy trying to register events on the timeline. The inability to register the events made me melancholic. It's like facing a big morass of emotional entanglement, losing the capability to explain it, lost. One big mess. I lack the words to describe it succinctly. The only phrase I think I can use is "I can feel the abyss staring back at me."
Somehow, I have always felt I do not belong to the human race... It's like I think I will be better off being part of nature or an element or cosmic energy. Very queer inclination, yes. But at least, I believe I will like that much better than being a human. Anything is better than being a human trying to fit into the world of superficial shallowness, irrationality, the absurd, and the burden of living and pseudo responsibilities of work and social roles.
After a long hard intense year of yearning for some more Goth Detective action at this year's Big Fat Quiz of the Year show, I am disappointed at what the show has to offer this year. Just look at this.This is heretical. This shall not be condoned.
Watch this. How can this be topped, ever?
"You ruined Christmas, you're the Nazi Grinch! Might as well save it when you ruined everyone's nights."
I just hope the new unheard of lineup will provide some decent joy nonetheless.
Hanging out at a bar, darts and plummeting body temperature
So, yesterday, I finally got something nice to go to. I accompanied my sister and her boyfriend, Ian to her EP promotional event at a really nifty backpacker hostel and bar called Prince of Wales at Little India, since I am rotting at home, with nothing better to expend my time on except being hell bent to up my score at this Facebook game which I highly suspect has marijuana added in.
So, we set off to the bar in a real indie style, in Ian's car, with my sister writing her music url by hand on the gig flyers painstakingly one by one in the bumpy car. I like Ian's driving style, because it's has the Tokyo drift feel to it, haha! Really quite haphazard, which was refreshing from my dad's way of tame driving. We went to an Indian restuarant for dinner which was a nice experience to have, since my prior brushes with Indian food was eating roti prataa and the usual fare at Jalan Kayu or foodcourts, which wasn't exactly the real deal.
Thereafter, I hung around the bar whilst my sister went on to prepare for her performance with her band mates, and I actually watched a football match seriously (it was a match between some Japanese team and Manchester United, ManU obviously won), I was that bored. Haha. Ian got me a drink, my first in over a year, actually.
So the gig went on, smoothly, nothing to talk about the gig since I have heard her sing for 193736329734829 times, to be exact. Heh.
After the gig, Ian taught me how to play darts, which I thought was mathematically tedious. Just bloody hit the bull's eye, for fuck's sake. Ignoring that aspect, I generally sucked at that game being a first timer at it, I owned Ian once though when I hit the bull's eye, that was kickass. Haha! Listened to my sister and her JC friends and Ian talked for awhile, which topics ranged from synonymous words for the word - vagina to ways to have the final and the most satisfying jerk offs to Twilight (of which my sister and Ian passionately expounded to her friends how badly it sucked, of which I share their viewpoints entirely, because I know, with overwhelming confidence that Anne Rice's vampires reign).
And, today, I went to meet the flourishers for dineer and a card session at Vivo City, went to saunter around a new shop - National Geographic, which was a really neat place where they placed photographs of theirs from different eras of National Geographic's history and selled some momentos. One thing that made me so very amazed by that shop is that there is a special chamber for customers to try out their thermal jackets where the temperatures were set to below freezing temperatures. Always wanted to try feel that sort of temperature, I enthusiastically went in with that oversized jacket (which I thought made me look a complete fool >_>). At first I stepped into the chamber, it felt completely alright, I thought, "Hey, this isn't that bad!" Until the door completely shutted itself and the fan was switched on at full speed, those grim winds were blowing at me so fiercely that I could hardly breathe properly. It was indeed cold. *Correction* Very frostbitten cold as Immortal could have put it, haha! There was a counter where you can see your body temperature. I saw mine plummeting to the range of 25 degree celcius within that minute or so. It was INSANE. Now, I have a vague idea of how David Blaine must have felt during his Frozen In Time endurance stunt. And, 60 hours. That is madness. *This is Sparta!* I could feel my blood slowing down and freezing inside myself. From that minute or so of grimness, I must say I have developed a liking for that sensation of freezing from inside out. It's just strangly alluring... Then I exited the chamber, took off the jacket and immediately, that is when my hypothalamus went bat fuck insane and started to shiver like I never shivered before. It was kickass, in a weird way.
Ling has a new goal in life - to experience the lowest temperature ever. =D Hail to the frostbitten cold winds of Blashryk, Mighty Ravendark!
(I kind of wished I didn't have the thermal jacket on though, that will be even more intense, =P)
Measly portion of holidays, tarot, and something else.
So, thus my last portion of my year 1 hospital attachment aka free toilings have came to an end, and I am bestowed with a 2 weeks worth of holidays, which I thought was a little measly. But anyhow! It is still good to be relieved of the drudgery of an boring regimen of sleeping and awaking at incredibly early timings and mingling with people I hardly know and all that jazz. Haha.
So, a card-flourishing friend of mine called Bowen whom took on an interest in Tarot readings, something which I had meddled with extensively in my mid-teens, which in turn successfully ruined my secondary 3 academics because those readings have proved to be mentally draining. Henceforth, I swore not to give another reading ever again. However, sigh, deary sigh, Bowen was desperate for someone to give him a reading, so I very much reluctantly gave one. >_< It took like 3 to 4 years of hiatus from it to regain a good level of mental stability, and I just broke it. Absolute bleah. Gah.
On other news, it's really been awhile since I have went to heal myself properly by heading to the Esplanade library, settling myself down on one of those comfy sofas and enjoy a good solid read. I should do it one day. The procrastination again. Haha.
Exactly 2 more weeks to 2009. 14 days. Time is too fast. It's making me panic unceasingly. The cruelties of time. Nonetheless, I still await the coming of 2012. =P You'll know why.
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Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Dido: Grafton Street Live
Dido is back to mesmerise my hedonistic pair of ears, I really like this song, it has a queer alluring air around the it; it almost places me in a semi-reverie state of mind where my rational and cognizant faculties fail to manifest. Dreamy sigh. Perfect for rainy dawns and pouring midnights, when I stir from my slumber or vice versa or when I am commuting in an empty last bus.
My sister used to be a fan of hers, had her first CD - No Angel and I'd always loot it off her shelf and listen to it almost every night. I think this admiration of hers towards Dido wouldn't be that strong now since she is now officially in the music industry. Hah. How fragile.
Last night, surprisingly, I voluntarily went to bed at an unusually early time of 12am (that's considered early as it's a public holiday the next day), when I usually repose only around 3 to 4 am. So I arose today feeling extremely well rested at the time of 8am, with the weather complementing my mood - it was drizzling and cool. It just felt so awesome to stir from my slumber with the sound of rain and the feel of cool winds and the coldness of the floor, yeah, I am not the sort who like sunshine and heat. =P Which made me want to reside in an isolated cabin in Norway or something, to be able to wake up and see and hear nothing and nobody but snow and nature. It must be awesome.
So, carrying that rested mood, I went to have breakfast (something I cannot pull off in ages on occasions like weekends or holidays, because I always wake up only in time for lunch, haha!) which consist of pancakes and Milo! Plus, plus, to listen to Dido's new album while eating and surfing the net while the rain continues to trickle, while most of the people in the house are still in slumber. The peace is paramount. =D
Now! To head off for yet another card session with the usual group and to acquire tickets for a movie (Hunger, film adaptation of Knut Hamsun's book) tomorrow at the National Museum, now I hope the rain would cease, for it would hinder my saunter around town greatly. Haha!
¶ 10:44 am0 comments
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Finally. And the vissitudes of time.
So today I finally procured the latest Pain album - Cynic Paradise, around a month after the official release, thanks to the incompetent customs and crap along that line. So, I laid my hands upon the jewel case with high expectations of the contents that lie within for I hope it will at least be on par with Psalms Of Extinction, Tagtgren's previous work. I went back home and sampled the disc seriously and yet with an open mind, as usual for what I do for the new CDs I bought.
Ok, I got to put aside the fangirl aspect of this whole issue and admit only half the songs inside the album caught my ears' elusive and extremely picky in nature attention, namely, "I'm Going In", "Follow Me", "Monkey Business", "Not Your Kind", "Feed Us". The whole album just gives me the feeling of "Dancing with the Dead" CD, with equal amount of highs and lows. Maybe I should give concession to the fact that Tagtgren had a traumatising incidence when he got attacked during tour and that making one album in each year consectively would have detrimental effects on the quality of the songs.
Other things on my mind include the urge to visit the beach at night, just to sit at the breakwaters and feel as though the world is about to end when the sea breezes come sweeping at you at high velocity, as Matyn so aptly put it. To gather inspiration and ideas for a flourish video that is loosely based on Albert Camus' Myth of Sisyphus, hard to execute, but I will see what I can pull off. And, lastly, waiting for the Subway outlet to open at my workplace now - Tan Tock Seng Hospital, so I can make myself bankrupt like never before. Yipee!
I was lamenting yesterday on how terrible it was to feel the jarring speed of a variable called time, so fast it was, I could no longer differentiate with ease of incidences and the people related to each different times. I used to be able to compartmentalise that very easily without any effort. And that seriously freaked the fuck out of me; it just left me gasping in the dust caused by the passing of time feeling extremely spaced out. I was still learning how to deal with my sudden career path due to the unsuccessful university application; to deal with life after A Levels, which were back in March or April this year. Now. *looks at calender* 3rd December 2008, 9.22pm. I have less than 20 odd days left in the year 2008. 20 odd days. 20. Then, it will be 2009. That will be 4 years since I left secondary school, 4 years since I got acquainted with a teacher/best friend that hugely influenced my way of thinking and character, 3 years since my brush with brash love and a certain someone (I have moved on ever since, don't worry, just using this as a gauge of time), 2 years since junior college. Now, I will be forever stuck with a thing called radiography, which appeared itself out of nowhere and stuck its face in mine without prior warning. Unless, I picked up my guts, place them in a bag and head to a destination that I could literally die for - social sciences, and more especially Philosophy. Dreamy sigh. I can only sigh.
I seriously dislike the feeling of time spinning so fast that you'll get motion sickness from it, which renders you all weakened and in a depressive reverie, which in turn let time take advantage of the situation again and pass by you even faster than before. That is why I have a long-term resolution that I read and learn and observe and appreciate and understand things as much as I could before I get one year older every year. So much so, I think I will be bored of most things before I reach the age of 25.
At this point of time, I would like to introduce this German romantic painting done by Casper David Friedrich - Wanderer Above The Sea of Fog.Just see how the protagonist of this painting, who stands on top of a high precipice, peering above and beyond the minute details and absorbing the grandeur and beauty of the scenery; at the same time, the vast and immense quality of the scenery glares back at him - a lone human being. A human being so very insignificiant compared to the nature. In addition, one can never be sure of what lies beneath those torrents of fog, worsening the idea of danger and uncertainity. The human's idea to absorb beauty and find grace are ruined, made into an irony. I leave this to your reverie to discern.
I swear reveries are spawns of a greater evil. I was in mine just now and my ice cream just melted. Fuck. >_>
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The human destiny is forever limited by the idiocy of bureaucracy and the excesses of social expectations. - LingNemesis, 2007 C.E.
Metal-Listener. Card Flourisher. Aspiring Philosopher. Selective Mugger. Ubermensch-to-be. Inspired by Dharma. Nihilist. The Almost Misanthrope. Yogini. Film Enthusiast. Into everything Occult and the Esotercism. Anti-Pretentious Social Situations. Anti-Religion. Anti-Normal. Observer of This Fucked-Up World. Autodidact. Philomath. Capricorn Cusp Aquarius. Leo Ascendent. Taurus Moon Sign. Economic Left/Right: -1.88 Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -2.05.