Einsamkeit

Goodbye

2009-08-19T02:28:00.001+08:00

To the remaining readers of this blog, I have moved to greener pastures. You can locate me at http://lingnemesis.wordpress.com/.

I hope to slit you there swoon. =D

Here

2009-07-06T22:08:00.004+08:00

Last Saturday, I went forth to a solitary film therapy session, one which I have not gone for in a considerable amount of time, taking into account the sheer lack of films recently that attracted my attention long enough.

I was taking quite abit of a blind plunge as this film I chose to watch is a local film made by Ho Tzu Nyen simply called "Here", thanks to the deeply engrained mindset that Singaporean films lack substance, depth and everything that contends for a worthy watch. But holy smokes, I was proven deeply and forcefully wrong with this particular visual opus.

What this film offered was a meditative reverie for its viewers where time is a variable ignored where the camera just rolled in normal relativity, upon the lush greenery around the fictitious mental facility called Island Hospital (which was really filmed in a former mental hospital, View Road Hospital, in Woodlands). While the viewers loosen their grip and minds and let them slow down to the pace of life in Island Hospital, the film soundtrack - Amazing Grace gently teases and provide an ironic icing on the film. The main protagonist of the film who mysteriously killed his wife and lost his speaking abilities had a line (more like written, actually) that blew my mind quite apart. The hospital staff asked "Why are you here?" His reply was "Because I am not there." Such hidden melancholia, such an expression of his yearning tortured soul.

There were many many other expressions of ''madness'' scattered in the film - one patient claimed there is a planet out there where pills and vitamins flow free from the volcano eruptions while the pathetic humans here pay to buy them, and one (the one which the protagonist fell in love with) claimed since things are so unevenly distributed amongst people, it isn't wrong to take things. In this film, where reality and madness were so commonly interspersed around, sanity became a commodity very, extremely questionable. What is this sanity and insanity, anyway, in this messed up world of ours today?

One character - Robert, brought up a touching (maybe!) issue called "Amor Fati"/"Love of Fate" and that it is ultimately inevitable to evade one's fate through the offered hospital treatment called "videocure", and he, heeding to his philosophy of Amor Fati, decided that videocure wasn't for him and faced with his fate of ''madness'' full throttle. This reminded me immensely of my favourite philosopher - Friedrich W. Nietzsche's notion of Eternal Recurrence, which asked people if their lives operates in a complete cyclical manner, and they have to do the same things again and again, how would they go about with life? The unbearable lightness of being.

Well, the main protagonist of the film, who eventually got released from the hospital, decided to adhere to Amor Fati and checked himself back into the hospital again, to be together with the soulmate he met in the hospital.

"My formula for human greatness is amor fati: that one wants to have nothing different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely to bear the necessary, still less to conceal it--all idealism is mendaciousness before the necessary--but to love it."

~Friedrich W. Nietzsche

I want to watch the film, again.

The vissitudes of time

2009-06-27T01:06:00.002+08:00

Today I was awoken by a text message from my friend who announced the news of the passing of the, arguably, greatest pop icon in at least 5 decades - Michael Jackson. Be assured I didn't went back to sleep after reading that message. An individual who I admired and respected with immense proportions. His anthems which captured countless hearts of the generations down the timeline and qualified as musical landmarks in history. Billie Jean. Thriller. Beat It. Bad. The list is endless. I can only say I am unfortunate to have missed the golden moment when he bloomed in his full regal prowess with his impeccable performance antics and his signature move Moonwalk.

It was believed he died from a sudden cardiac arrest. What a quick and uneventful death that was, to such a man who created such deep, wide and lasting impact on generations globally. Ironic, everyone would have thought such people would have a blast towards their demises. Such is human nature. Unpredictable, impermanent, and very much volatile.

Comment no further upon a dead man about his last moments, and let us be reminded by his inspiring works and the better days which he was involved in creating. Better days which we witnessed, revelled, and glad to be part of. Earth was honoured to have such an individual upon its surface. If mankind is gone, and I could leave something behind for the next phase of life in remembrance of our humankind, I'd leave Michael Jackson's Thriller album behind.

Rest in eternal peace in Neverland, Michael Jackson. Hope your soul will return to Earth to create more pieces of art, sometime in the future.

Evolution for the worse?

2009-06-20T11:39:00.003+08:00

I was reading the papers the other day, and an article attracted attention to me, the title of the article reads "Have we lost the ability to feel?" To summarise what the article is about how in this modern world and the daily hassles and monotonous grind of social roles to assume and fulfil, we seemed to have lost the ability to experience life and events in a wholesome manner, to re-inspire our weary souls. I couldn't have agreed more with the writer, for I feel that weighing down on me like stones tied onto my ankles.

Isn't it sad?

To deepen my sense of melancholy, my recent trip to the Science Centre for the Da Vinci Exhibition made me more embedded on my idea that modern human life is downright lacklustre. To see the sheer amount of inventions and ideas ranging from that wide a range of expertises coming from one single man in an era where little external support exists, it's definitely very inspiring and mind-blowing initially. Then, that initial spark of inspiration turned into something brooding as I pondered further upon the fellow humans in this current age. Glued to the screen that permeates every aspect of their lives - handphones, TVs, computers, billboards, advertisement panels, the list is endless. Being thrusted to a set of social roles to fulfil from the age of a toddler. *damn you to the depths of anarchy hell, political philosophy!* The subsequent endless series of social expectations to fulfil - friends, grades, a degree, a partner, sex, stable desk job, to rise up the corporate ladder, to get that senior position, have children amidst the irrational state of mind during sex, bring up children who will become irremovable burdens in life, get a house which will require you 20 years to finish paying, when your children moves out then starts to ponder and worry about whether your pension is enough for your old age. True but tragic.

So fixated are our comtemporary mindset that we have forgotten about the wonders of the human mind and what those wonders can bring forward.

That is why I make it a point to have solitary trips as often as possible where the only company I have is my music player and a long bus/train ride or a stroll in the park. For myself to heal, for myself to feel, for myself to recharge, for myself to reach mental/ emotional/ spiritual equilibrium. To treat every moment alone as golden, to ignore the voices of the mob, to stare far ahead at the horizon, to look at the clouds, to look within myself.

People may think I am insane, but to me, the insane are the people. =)

Of ringing ears and a neck that feels decapitated.

2009-06-07T00:43:00.003+08:00

So I have put myself through 6 hours of continuous live metal music today at the Resurrection concert. Draining as it were, but it was definitely worth every single ounce of energy as it is not an everyday sight and sound to hear the music that one so fervently adore being played at such an indignant volumes and where its supporters can revel in unison.

I was there especially to witness performances from Rudra, Meza Virs and Draconis Infernum, although the other acts were nice introductory listens which offered certain times of auditory and visual enjoyment, the latter being the self-asphysixation with microphone wire act from Meltsgnow.

In retrospect, I thoroughly enjoyed every song from the 3 abovementioned bands, with no distinct difference in preference, which created a seamless stream of auditory roller coaster ride. Each offering times for one's expression through headbanging, moshing, and sometimes bodysurfing. The sensation of having those unrepentent sound waves reverberating through your body and your ears at full intensity while you unhinge your self awareness and then subsequently unleash your weary soul away from your physical body. Henceforth, you find yourself clasping your arms over to your neighbour's shoulders and your head being flung up and down at quite incredible speed and momentum. It doesn't matter if you don't know the neighbour-audience, or if you start to think you look mentally unbalanced with your hair flaying all over when your head starts flinging on its own will. You are smiling inside. And, that is what made the difference and that is what made it worth the ounces of energy.

One afterthought that kept me anticipiating for the next round of metal madness was that from the Meza Virs' frontman, Cedric, who quite calmly announced his glorious plan of sending the normal Baybeats crowd to hospital later this year. I can't wait to witness the reactions of the ''indie-rock-alternative-emo-whatever-you-want-to-label-it" fans. =D Let the invasion commence!

Sundays...

2009-05-24T20:52:00.002+08:00

For the past consecutive Sundays, I have started to notice a thing that has been contributing to my temperament that in turn contributed to my increasing neglect of this cyber repository.

You see, the fact that I reside in such a densely populated place like Singapore where it's impossible not to have people talking to you, demanding things from you, requesting you to do things even for the span of a few hours, makes living a chore for a person like me. I used to treat Sundays as my sanctuary, the full 24 hours entirely to myself. To heal. To re-charge. To regain equilibrium. To find inspiration. To find peace. This is getting increasingly impossible now, I have no idea why... I simply loathe the feeling of a half-rested mood on Sundays nowadays, where my mind and emotional state are troubled and bothered by the incoherent noises of the people around me, by the swarms of people that has been so terrifying swelling up here in Singapore in the recent years. I feel like a half-charged battery on the recent Sundays, sluggish, highly volatile, unfulfilled. In a nutshell, not ready to expend my energies once more on the upcoming Monday. Also, in a nutshell, do not disturb my Sundays. Thank you.

Somehow, I dislike my introversion tendency for this reason, although I take a hell lot more pride in my persona. I realised it takes alot of time alone for me to feel well-equipped again, which led me to dwell on the fact that I would most likely feel like a cadaver by the time I actually start to work full-time/leaving very minimal time to onself for the exchange for a terrible invention called money. I wonder how fellow introverts survive in the working world... Unnerved, I am, very. I actually burrowed a book from the library called "Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto" some days ago, because I need reassurance that what I am feeling is normal and I'm not going insane. Sigh...

On brighter topics, I have acquired a new CD, entitled Drudkh's Blood in our Wells (Кров у Наших Криницях). One of the more worthy purchases of mine in the recent months. When I heard it online, I was immediately blown away with immense surprise as my ears have grown so disenchanted with the lacklustre tunes of many bands out there and my heart grown cold with the lack of a new flame. But Drudkh. This Ukrainian band impressed me so much on the debut listen that I immediately texted my favourite Metal CD store and placed an order for this album. Listening to it makes me feel like a young (not that I am old, just a comparsion of era, lol) passionate, hungry listener sitting entrapped in the glorious cacophonies once again, like a walk in a new forest that will surprise you with beautiful sights at every turn and crevice, or like trying a new food, which you grew to love so quickly.

It's simply amazing.

I also acquired the ticket to a local Metal music concert in which more than 5 bands would perform in, including of Rudra, a band which I adore with great intensity ever since I witnessed them desecrate the Esplanade outdoor stage some 3 years back. I couldn't wait to witness their desecration once more. The thought of listening to "The Pathless Path to the Unknowable Knowable" live brings me both adrenaline and edorphines. Also performing is the first (and I hope not the last!) black metal-orientated band perform at Baybeats - Meza Virs. I have witnessed their performances at the Baybeats Auditions and I know they are toning it down at the Auditions. Therefore, I believe they will make a much bigger and forceful impact at this particular concert.

Let's not talk about a dreadful topic like my current block of hospital attachment, shall we? =)

Nightmarred and Dreamscarred? I hope not! Hell forbid!

2009-04-30T21:48:00.003+08:00

Although tomorrow is a public holiday and I will be relieved of school and its related social ennui, I don't feel exceptionally jovial about it. Why?

Well, just fathom having your mother having almost 3 instances of fainting in less than 4 to 5 days, you might, then, have a vague idea of my current emotional state. One of which I can't do much to relieve her of the distress of a near collapse because I was away in school for another good few hours or more, the factor of not being able to see that she has regained equilibrium and me prosulating several scenarios in my mind was quite a torture. That is not inclusive of the text message she sent that reads - "如果妈妈一天倒下不起，你要好好照顾自己和好好爱爸爸。“, which translates to "If mom were to collapse for good one day, you must take good care of yourselves and love your dad." Not a very pleasant text to receive, at all. It just leaves a very bitter and sour aftertaste after you read the message and stare into the blank space in front of you while you stink in the speechless reverie for a good few minutes, while behind that reverie, your mind conjures all sorts of reasoning why your mom would send such a dismal text message. While the rational side of you vehemently rejects all possiblity of any reasonings your mind have just conjured up. It is a constant mental and emotional warfare over there.

That was not the end of it.

I had dreamt that something fatal that happened upon my mother a few weeks back. And I remembered so very vividly that I weeped in the dream and I could really feel my heart plunging into abyssal depths of my soul, pouring out acid unceasingly. The sense of acute wretchedness was so realistic and sharp that I was awoken by it. I continued to weep even after waking up, for at least a good minute, and then cursed to myself why does this dream have to manifest and condemned Sandman to the pits of Hell. This is, definitely, one time that I did not enjoy an ounce of my (usually highly creative and destructive) dreamscapes. That just added so much more unpleasantness in this whole incident. So everytime I dwelled upon this recollection of this dream, I was teetering between the gap of dream and reality and questioning myself, "Is this gap narrowing?" Which was followed by me cursing even more.

Let this be the full stop to this series of unplesant incidences, shall we? Yes, yes, we should. =)

--------------------------------------------------------------

On the brighter side of the spectrum of events, last saturday saw the largest card flourish gathering (and one of the best) I have witnessed in, arguably, years. Ever since the SMC era, anyway, so that led me to enjoy the session alot albeit I was pushed into joining a card flourish battle-styled compeition (of which I won) at the very last minute. I enjoyed it because the feeling of being surrounded by a good dozen card handlers has been lost for so long and to feel it again felt like I have met a long-lost friend. The feeling was all warm and fuzzy, and it seemed to have removed all the negativities I have long attached to the whole card scene and also restored a different and positive air to a card-flourish session - that is to enjoy flourishing and meet fellow enthusiasts, and not to suspect of closed-doors-talk and the subsequent feeling of isolation within friends. I have to thank Justin for organising it for it re-instilled a sense of optimism for the card scene, and a gale of fresh air as we have saw a few new faces who turned up. =)

And, in school, I have been introduced to a great life-long manner to plot down one's life in a simple and diagrammatic manner in the Developmental Psychology module. It's like constructing a timeline for yourself and marking down events that have changed your life, either positively or negatively. I realised I have had more of positive markings than negative, maybe I chose to filter out the negativities... And, I attributed more events to inner development like finding out Metal Music, card flourishing, Philosophy, which indeed contributed very much to who I am today and has injected much joy in my life despite the solitary quality of those activities... Anyway! Since I am so very impressed by this egocentric activity of autobiography, I have decided to do it once every few years and fill up a mahjong paper! Haha.

Paradise Lost?

2009-04-21T23:04:00.002+08:00

So my 6 week long school vacation has sounded its death knells and I am now almost halfway through the first week of the second year of my studies in Radiography (still trying to grasp the concept that I am really in this career).

I am mostly glad that I am back in school, to shift my attention away from certain *negative* emotional upheavals pertaining to one of my favourite hobbies that involves finding ways to shuffle pasteboards and largely, underhand, very unemotional ways of fellow hobbyists to their lofty projects and what not. Sigh. So yes, it does feel refreshing to momentarily forgo that sense of emotional aridness and utter isolation, and to immerse myself in simpler tasks like learning and idle chit chat with classmates. Even that latter option is appealing to a person like me, usually so hateful of idle social situations, that tells you alot of the severity of the emotional aridness and isolation I am facing right now. So, I am on an online website detox that is pertaining to any aspect of that above-mentioned hobby. No. That will not be the end of the hobby for me, unfortunately, fellow hobbyists. =)

I was attending the first Communications lecture this afternoon, and one line from the lecturer (whom I thought was a great lecturer already) that hit a very very deep and well-timed chord within me. It goes something like this "I realised something, if you tend to strive for nothing but the truth in any relationship or situation, you are very very likely to be alone." I was sitting there, half reclining with my arms crossed and went speechless mentally for like a minute. Not very easy task to make LingNemesis go speechless mentally for any given amount of time, by the way. Not only did the lecturer gained immediate and utmost respect from me, besides already impressing me alot, this is the rare few times when I felt that I am not going insane from feeling so misanthropic so often. Thank you so much, for that one line. =)

I can't wait for her next lecture. I know great lines will descend from her. I hope I can have a little conversation with her at some point of time.

Hell, bleeping Hell. It has been years and years since I felt that affected by a teacher. The last one being Mr. Dalvey Neo around 5 years ago, back in my secondary school. Amazing.

Too bad it's just a 30 odd hour module. =\

And, tomorrow, we have a National Education lecture which I reckon will be very much like the lower secondary's Social Studies subject. What the hell? I shall enjoy myself by their rendition of Singapore history and what not, and largely by playing out songs and movies in my head, which I am getting exceptionally well at. If my mind proves to be malfunctioning, I can always abuse the free SMS Twitter service. =D

Aus,
LingNemesis

2009-04-01T19:43:00.005+08:00

Do not get misguided by the lack of activities here as a sign that yours truly has became a total misanthrope and wallowing in the cesspool of ennui, because I am not at all!

The previous week was pretty much neat, especially the weekend. On one of the weekdays, me, Valerie and Stuart went off to a phototaking trip to Lim Chu Kang area and Marina Barrage. A good change of events from my usual sitting around at the laptop on weekdays during holidays. Unfortunately, the area we are heading for at Lim Chu Kang was occupied by the military for their mission, nonetheless, it was a great trip to the side of Singapore that got me in a very calm state of mind as it was an extremely rare sight here that you don't get to see any vertical buildings within the proximal radius. It almost felt that I was out on one of those bus rides in Malaysia where you see nothing except road and trees. Bliss. Thus, I concluded that you can find some surprises here and there in Singapore too. Amazing stuff.

The result of the photoshoot can be acquired from here.

Saturday saw another public display of the glorious cacophonies of Meza Virs, this time at the Esplanade Outdoor Performing area, under the Baybeats 2009 Final Auditions. Unlike the one I attended at the Hereen which I was alone, a group of us went there together this time round, thanks to my new friends from the local metal music community from Facebook. Of which, I am extremely grateful for, since it has been years and years of hiatus in the local metal scene for me. Anyway, Meza Virs permeated the air of Esplanade and the Singapore bay with awesomeness, needless to say. Although their slot lasted less than a grand total of 15 minutes, I thoroughly enjoyed every cell and pore of myself whilst me and my newfound friends lodged ourselves at the metal barricade between the stage and the audience area, and headbanged with pride and joy. It is a real joy to headbang in public to good live music and to do it together with a group of friends. Almost a privilege. A sheer luxury. I only wished the female vocals microphone's volume was higher since her part wasn't really audible which diluted the performance slightly. Nonetheless, I really wish Meza Virs would make it to the actual Baybeats itself, and that I am rather certain of. It is about time to raise up that Singaporean metal flag high in the Singaporean skies and unleash the prowess! After the performance, I heard other audience saying the headbanging was very neat as we all did it in perfect synchronization. Haha! Well of course! That is what metal is about; beauty in chaos!

All Hail.

Sunday saw the return to the Lim Chu Kang area as I felt very much compelled to explore the place fully instead of just observing from far. This time round, accompained by Kafoosh instead, equipped with a camera, a deck of cards and a tripod and some determination to disregard the mosquitoes' presence, filming was done instead of photo-taking. The results of our endeavours are as follows;

Kafoosh's edition:

My edition:

Very fruitful!

Sunday ended with a late night outing with my sister, which is a rare one due to her unflinching schedule. Bumped into Cedric (the frontman) from the metal band (Meza Virs) I saw on Saturday, pleasant to have met him by accident and told him the performance was top notch. Played Left 4 Dead for around 2 hours until 1am at Serangoon Gardens, and had some prata and Teh Tarik and listened to my sister and her friends talk about music while I felt like complete idiot.

And, today, in a spur of avoiding ennui having to stare at the laptop screen all day, I convinced myself out of the house by 10am which is an hefty accomplishment considering I usually get up around noon during holidays. Went to watch Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino at the new cinema at new Bugis mall - Iluma, which led me to my first experience of watching a movie entirely alone and the subsequent feeling that I own the damn place which was very much regal. I then entertained the thought of the possbility of having such a cinema in my own house, that must have been hellishly luxurious. I got very comfortable until the point of placing my feet up on the seat and sitting cross legged. One word suffices the experience, which will confuse non-Singaporeans, but I am going to say it anyway - shiok. The film itself was alright, it just lacked the subtle quality that I was accustomed to as a film watcher, with the plot being rather explicit and obvious. Nonetheless, the final showdown was rather tight.

After the movie, I decided to head to the bookshop I found out at Facebook called GOHD Books at Serangoon Road, since their email at Facebook seemed to have me interested:

"Hey all! I've decided to let anyone rent the attic space during the day, if you need somewhere very, very, quiet to write, draw, meditate or conduct unspeakable activities. It goes at $5 per hour or $30 for the whole day, until the shop closes. You get free instant coffee/tea, too.

Also, I finally made a website I'm VERY satisfied with, and no one's allowed to comment on the design. It's www.gohd.com.sg.

By the way, occult activities are NOT allowed in the attic; there was once a rumour of a ghost up there, and we've verified that THERE IS NO GHOST, so calm down people. We won't want to check for ghosts AGAIN.

Anyone who wishes for a secluded place to write, draw, meditate, etc etc, can use our very, very, very quiet attic space for $5 per hour or $30 a day. However, the attic may collapse if any more than 4 people go in at a time, so enter at your own risk! "

~ GOHD Books

Hahaha!

Indeed, the attic is so fragile, I could feel the floorboards beneath my feet pressing down as I stepped on it, and the steps leading up to the attic are heinous. The shopkeeper (Deyana) said, "Live dangerously!" when I mentioned the steps were heinous. Haha! So Nietzschean, which made it so awesome. The collection there was impressive as well, stored alot of my favourite reads. Chatted with the Deyana for abit about favourite reads and I am very glad to find that she likes Nietzsche as well, although to a less fervent degree than myself and that we both loved the works of Camus and Keroauc. Amazing. I would definitely head back there again, to use the dangerous and very quiet attic to conduct unspeakable acts and to overcome that heinous flight of steps. Very cool place indeed, if I were to feel an onslaught of mental drought coming my way or in severe lack of inspiration, I will head there to introduce myself to new authors. I have no idea what GOHD stands for though.

Updates: Technological advancements, fiends and Nightmarred & Dreamscarred

2009-03-20T14:51:00.003+08:00

I realised I have not spoken about my recent acquisition of an iPod Classic, replacing my 3 year old Sony Network Music Player. I am most pleased with the new purchase despite it's slightly expensive, not only does the iPod hails a behemoth storage size of 120GB, the battery life is immensely good. I have only charged it once and it is still running in the "green" area after a week's worth of regular usage. This made my Sony Network player look like a contemporary torture device in cruel disguise, complete with rapidly deteriorating battery lifespan, user-unfriendly music transfer programme, an ugly B&W interface, and most of all, a miniscule space of 6GB. Now, I can comfortably throw in my entire music library which now amasses to nearly 11GB, movies and card flourishing videos and magic performances videos and still be baffled at the amount of space remaining in this lean mean machine. The only issue is that iPod's sound quality isn't as powerful as Sony's. But hell, one can't have all the "plus" factors together. =)

And, I went out with new f(r)iends, who happened to be listeners of my favourite music genre - Robin, Hong Rui and Prab Nathan, yesterday, on a movie outing and a chill-out session. Went to watch Detroit Metal City which proved to be rather no-brainer and laugh yourself silly show. Nonetheless, it was remotely heart-warming to see metal openly displayed and blared on the cinema speakers. Metal-related jokes were flunged left, right and centre onto the suspecting herds of non-metal listening mortals, of course, they do not get it and I knew they only pretended to laugh mildy and only awaited to see the ''cute-pop" portions. Ah wells. I did enjoyed the way the DMC fans expressed their maniacal devotion to DMC, hilarious. And, of course, I enjoyed myself equally with the new friends, for it has been, easily, years since I went out with proper metal-listening people and able to talk about metal music openly and freely. It was a good feeling. Very good, in fact. Regardless of the fact we listen to different sub-genres in metal, with me specialising in black and viking/folk metal. Haha! Good time yesterday, we had, new friends! Let's hope we can meet up again soon and it will be the start of a beautiful friendship. =D

Now, the less (or more, depends on your perception) rosy side of the blog post. I was mercilessly kept captive in Lord Morpheus Sandman's realm for nearly 10 hours last night where he generously bestowed me with yet another installment of nightmarred and dreamscarred episodes. Great. So this one started abruptly with a scene with me as a third person or voyeur, if you were to use a proper term. In this scene, there was this canine (I am not using the word - "dog", for "dog" conjures up the most heartwarming and friendly images in the human brain) which was largely blood-stained on his white fur. This canine was ripping the fuck out of a person's arm and chest cavity, adding more blood stains onto his already reddened coat of fur. This canine wasn't showing signs of any relent as he mawed at the poor dude's body. Strangely, the dude was as docile as a doormat amidst the attack. Until the poor dude was ripped to the level of the bone, did the canine started to show less enthusiasm. Just like how a typical Singaporean would behave, I was feeling very "kay-po" and I followed the canine after it left the poor dude alone. Number 1 Mind-fuckage: The canine transformed into a very pale looking boy that was hardly 10 years old, he was scantly dressed but he was, like his previous incarnation as a canine, blood-stained. This thing already made me go like "Du Reischt So Gut!" in the dream. So I followed the boy, and he led me into a dark alley. Number 2 Mind-fuckage: The boy jumped into a cavity in the one of the walls and then subsequently the wall closes up and the wall was made complete again. What the fuck?! The boy fused together as one with the wall?! Fuck yes, he did.

This whole thing could be used to write a damn novel or a screenplay for a movie. Damn. I love my dreams.

Short but definitely sweet

2009-03-15T00:55:00.003+08:00

Today saw the public performance of a local gothic/extreme metal band by the name of Meza Virs at a very mainstream mall of Hereen. Thrilled, indubitably, by the fact that my favourite music genre will be publicly showcased, I ensured my attendance was made mandatory.

It was just very heartwarming once again to hear metal music being played with such indigantly loud and pride-laded volume at such a public place. The last time I had this experience was at the Rudra's Esplanade showcase in 2006, which was another very fulfilling performance, needless to say. To see the metal-listeners standing around, their souls proud of their musical inklings despite the glaring fact that the avenues for metal music expression here in Singapore would have severely deprived them of a healthy rate of outlet in this fashion. It's a good sight, just to see them standing around, awaiting the show, albeit knowing it'd probably not last very long. Even though we do not converse alot with each different groups of metal-listeners, we know, deep down inside, there's a connection and once the music is unleashed, the headbanging will be in perfect unison, the passion will be burning with equal intensity, our souls or psyches will be soaring high above and relishing every second of the cacophonies of the thing we all so relentlessly adore that is aptly called "Metal Music".

Just 3 short songs; 15 minutes is enough to leave us entirely satisfied. 15 minutes was definitely enough to convince me with great ease that this was better than almost the whole season of Live 'N' Loaded.

No Live 'N' Loaded luck for local metal acts? No problem. Some things are better left for the enjoyment of certain few who knows how to. =)The calm before the tempest

Cedric, the frontman, has a lean mean coat. Damn.

Paradise Regained; and Watchmen

2009-03-07T02:55:00.003+08:00

So, my month long of internship is finally over and now I will no longer need to conjure very unsustainable thoughts at work to divert my attention away from the unceasing depressing sight of old fogey patients. And, most of all, at least I can stop obligating people to sign forms for me. Haha.

Anyway! To mark the regain of Paradise, I went to watch Watchmen with fellow card wielders, Leon and Kenneth and his friend with a very interesting name called Stick. Having sailed through the actual graphic novel prior to the movie viewing, I have to say I enjoyed myself more from reading the novel than the film. The characters exhibited themselves more effectively and intensly in the novel than the film, I guess, with such a morose and brooding air around this graphic novel/story, words on a page can convey better than a transient span of seconds or minutes of sequences on the screen. I was just very much blown away by the graphic novel when I finished it, intellectually, emotionally, very rare for me to even blown away slightly in the first place. I don't really care for the slow-motion emphasis of certain scenes or the auto-morphing Rorschach mask or the blue nakedness of Dr. Manhattan.

I mean, the whole thing was so multi-layered and heavy in content and rich in substance. And, yet holds that significant amount of truth about our society.

Much to my dismay, Mr. Egyptian A. Viedt was touted to be the Ubermensch of the whole gang, with his half haphazard manner of functioning. Looks like Nietzsche is once again quite misunderstood, as usual. Haha. Sigh, Nietzsche will have to roll in his grave, again. Nonetheless, I will have to take it that the writer chose to use a symbolism of mass destruction of the city dwellers as the Overcoming of the Last Man, for the era of Zarathrustra to arrive.

Next, Dr. Manhattan, this detached individual is just a tortured soul who seeks the human touch which is once and again denied. He acutely reminds me of the ideal man that Plato expounded, who uses reason as a sole faculty and continually deny himself of any desire or joy, such is a callous scientific outlook. Another tortured soul is, who other than, Rorschach? A staunch moral absolutist whose childhood failed and backfired at him, a classical serial killer case study. Deeply confused person and who, in fact, love to end his own life than to suffer living on Earth. An misanthrope. Both Dr. Manhattan and Rorschach are victims of Frued's Psychoanalysis. Unable to fix their inner conflict, they chose exile and death as their conclusions.

Lastly, the Comedian was just an anarchist and quasi-nihilist, who, in true fact, at least, in my interpretation, unable to face the harsh reality and tries very hard to brush everything off as a joke. A Stoic, I would say, if I am in a nerdy mood, haha.

So much to digest, to analyse. And, I am not even starting on the relatively normal mortals - Night Owl and the Silk Spectres.

I read an article about Watchmen and its relation to Philosophy, it is said Watchmen is fodder for philosophers.

Now, I fully agree.

This arid mindscape

2009-02-28T23:58:00.002+08:00

This is an utter blasphemy. I have only entered something into this place once in the whole of February.

Something is lacking within me. The drive to express myself that I used to possess so fervently and the subsequent falling into the cesspool of swamp-like ennui. Perhaps, ever since when I started to use an one-liner updating plus conversing tool called Twitter of which was the depository place for most of my thoughts and emotions, I could no longer find the energy into a full length discourse. =\ Not too good.

I will attempt to revert back again.

So, how are things treating me recently?

Taking into consideration that I am rather incapacitated by a thing called clinical attachment for the past 3 weeks, I think you can deduce the level of my current temperament fairly easily. It is very emotionally and spiritually taxing to commit that amount of time and energy into a thing that one hasn't had original intentions to venture into. As the timeline drags further into this unexpected direction, the more intense and acute did I felt the sense of alienation and inhumanity gnawing at the depths of my insides. Can't say I am depressed. I am just ... tired, of not getting what I yearn for. I long to feel wholesomely inspired, like how I did when I was studying GP or Economics back at JC. Is a place to study Humanities and Social Sciences so difficult? The more I delve, the more I feel inhumane. The only time I can feel somewhat adequate in my clinical attachment is when I introspect on the basis of human suffering and pain when I looked upon patients, that suspending quality of introspective reverie. That few minutes. So incredibly precious.

Deriving from my sparse moments of precious reveries, I thought of way *albeit an rough idea at the current stage* to analyse or account for the essence of existence. And, I am not even sure if it's something remotely new. Anyway!

We do all have good and bad times, if I were to use those 2 very vague and discriminating terms, which most people would dictate their outlook on life by a very narrow and misguided view of the number of good(s) and bad(s) they have experienced. Quick to judge, so to speak. In my "idea", I think the number of good(s) and bad(s) meant completely nothing. Abitrary. Devoid of any value. I hope you can deduce that the abitrary factor will lead you to the fact that I subscribe to no dieism. =) So, in life, the "good" and "bad" will come and slot themselves in here and there, until there is equal amount of "good" and "bad". When that happens, everything gets cancelled out, the cessation of life occurs.

Many would say this is too deeply nihilistic. I agree and acknowledge.

I don't know, some part of me says this is a very abstract doctrine that cannot be measured out, some part of me says "So, Ling, since life is nothing with no such thing called "good" and "bad", so how are we supposed to live, and what are we living for?"

Deeply depressing. And, disturbing.

Plagued

2009-02-15T02:21:00.006+08:00

I could no longer sift through the morass within my depths and write something sustainable.

This is a crisis.

I need inspiration and I shall not be engulfed by a malaise of expressive ennui.

It really scares me that my heart could no longer feel and my mind could no longer provide the stimulus to write. It is a threatening plague, a cancerous malady. Inhumanity. Or rather, the opposite, considering how majority of humanity lacks a certain introspective quality, haha. Meh.

The above leads me inevitably to wonder how working adults' minds function. So bland, without flavour, without style, no flair, plagued with ennui.

I read bad English at my current location of hospital internship whose name I shall not bear to put out for it will put a bad light on the hospital. Bad, I mean, really atrocious. Do they even check the red line that appears beneath the word on the Word Processor? It disturbs me with tremendous quantity that those adults are getting paid that much with such a terrible level of linguistic command. Nevermind little gritty grammatical errors, but glaring spelling mistakes that even a Primary 3 kid could discern? I could only be amazed and disgusted at the same moment.

For example "holiday season that are sorts after". Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Enough said.

I cannot imagine my 20 to 40 years of probable length of working life to be surrounded by such incoherent people. That is pure degrading. My guess is that I would have performed hara kiri on myself by the end of the first month, if I am lucky.

Must think of ways to dodge such an arid land of unceasing dullness and salvage the scant amount of sanity that is left in me.

On other news, some pictures of my new 5 megapixel-equipped handphone camera! Which I am very pleased with as I can go trigger happy with a decent enough quality.
There are some optimism and joy left in such a depressing and disgusting modern human life after all, eh?

I foresee myself reading alot of Nietzsche when I am flung into the uninspiring working world if I am going to commit to this field of career. For, I acutely require the lofty and mighty quality of the Nietzschean spirit to surround myself with if I want to avoid the hara kiri.

And, I am not even starting on my discourse on my love-life...

Sigh.

Black Metal meets the runway and an unrelated incident of gardening and baking

2009-01-29T22:41:00.002+08:00

Enough said.

Black Metal Gardening
Uploaded by camerinkelly

HAHA.

Let the pictures do the talking.

2009-01-28T14:56:00.004+08:00

So, the past few days have been holidays for the Lunar New Year and such, and since I am, for once, lazy to express myself in words, I shall just post some pictures and thus I shall spare you from my ramblings. =) Good isn't it?

Saturday, 24th Jan. Havagriva Puja by Lama Zopa Rinpoche

Greatest honour to have his signature on his book. Received blessings from him too. Insanely awesome isn't the exact phase I can use to describe the joy of meeting such a great teacher. The calm he emanated to my consciousness within the few seconds of the encounter with him was enough to last for days or even longer, given that I am not in this crazy place called Singapore.

Let's skip the house visiting, shall we? *nods nods* =D

Saturday, 27th Jan, Live 'N' Loaded show at Mediacorp Channel 5 studio, to support my melancholic poet sister!
No, they weren't going to give out those guitars as prizes. I thought they are going to, but they aren't. =(
Before the musicians get on to the stages *2 of them* when the hosts were trying in vain to get the crowd to be lively and crazy. Obviously, it wasn't a great success. For, I have seen more intense crowds and been inside them. *Slipknot 2005!* My melancholic, Sisyphean-prone, egg crushing, once-a-poet sister dishing out her song - Suburbia on national TV with reinforcements from The LoveJacks, a cello and a trumpet. I really wish she could cover a mellow Opeth *Windowpane, please!* song someday, somepoint of her performing days. Ah wells! She is awesome enough, don't you agree? =D

Wednesday, 28th Jan, meetup with Alden, a very good friend of mine whom I haven't seen for around 4 months, due to his overseas attachment at Thailand. So great to meet him once again.

Thanks for the fantastic Opeth shirt which he acquired from Thailand *5 Sing dollars each, can you believe it?!*! I foresee it will be my favourite solo outing shirt! The back design of the Opeth shirt. Very reminiscent of their Orchid era, which I absolutely adore to no end.
Dissection's Reinkaos patch and Rammstein's Volkerball badge. Awesome paraphernalia. Now, to decide where to place them for their awesome qualities.

Back to mundane shit aka reality.

To rapture and beyond

2009-01-21T19:56:00.007+08:00

So, I have acquired the ChthoniC's Decade on Throne DVD as a *belated* birthday gift to myself, a tradition that I have long held since I started my auditory ravage since I was 12 or 13 years of age - to get myself a solid metal music CD or DVD.

So, I got myself comfortable on the couch with the house empty and the stereo all switched on to block off all extraneous noise that was not supposed to be from the DVD which also meant that it was relatively loud. Perfect.

I popped in the DVD and the frenzy began, every ounce of the air in the house was reverberating with the essence of a ferocious entity called ChthoniC, not sparing any morsel. Letting the entity permeate my consciousness and mind, I found myself involuntarily driven to expel that bountiful amount of energy that invaded into my shell of a body.

In a nutshell, I headbanged until I felt dizzy and as though my being was fused with the music in the air. To rapture and beyond, t'was. Too long since I felt that sensation, and it certainly felt very inspiring to experience that again. To just close one's eyes and let that energy you derive from the music to express out of your body. =)

It just happens, between the metal music affectionado and the music, the headbanging and the frenzy just occurs, without any precursor or any warning. It just clicks. Now, skeptics of metal music behavourisms, just take my description into account. So, do not judge us of our intentions as otherwise. =)

Now, the normal shit of birthday cakes, [san] the individual that this cake was dedicated to though.

I do not intend to do product placement for BreadTalk, too.

Departure/Arrival

2009-01-16T00:00:00.001+08:00

So. I will depart the era of being in my teenage years very soon. I am breathing the last ounces of air in my swansong hour of my 19th year on this wretched place called Earth, before I smoothly transit into the next phase of my much unexciting life which will start on a new dot of the linear timeline. The dot denoting the 20th year of my existence.

20 is an odd age to resume. It's like being stuck in between nowhere, in a limbo, in a purgatory of time and status. At least one get more movie choices and rights to tick at electoral boxes at 21. Yet being 20 is considered as a milestone, a new chapter of sorts, a new dot on that finite timeline we all possess.

But, really, for brevity's sake, it is just "same shit, different day."

Many optimists will expound on me that I should look on the bright side and be less cynical. I can't help it. However, I must say, the time spent between 10 years old and 19 years old were pretty amazing. I have found my rasion d'etre (s) - that is to listen to glorious metal music, to find more ways to shuffle with 52 pieces of paper, to philosophize according to my own system, to autodidact myself, amongst others. Awesome. Not being sacrastic, but it was really quite amazing to spend the later half of my 10-19 year old's time delving into an amazing hobby that is card flourishing, and reaping what I have never imagined would have derive from it. I have met many amazing people who inspired me, too, in that timespan. One prominent person would be my secondary school history teacher called Mr. Neo. He practically moulded my mode of thoughts and gave me another rasion d'etre - to be a diginified metalhead.

Alright, so what the fuck is this ranting person talking about nostalgia and shit?

Well, I am wondering if my 20s will be as exciting and fulfilling as my previous years. And that if I will encounter any more inspiring characters, knowing such individuals exist in increasing diminishing numbers along the variable of time. I also hope that my autodidactism and my philosophizing will continue well and strong in my 20s, since I have knew many case studies of individuals who dwindled their brilliance because of an oligation called work *cattle for society!* and the sake of creating a family and shallowness of workplace politics, or, for the matter, politics in general. That's a tragedy in my appendix.

I will keep my fingers crossed.

Happy 20th Spawnday to me. Time to head out and do special things and feel special!

PS: And, happy 40th birthday to an equally amazing individual of the same birthdate as mine - "Dead" Per Yngve Ohlin too. Rest in peace, Dead.

Nightmarred and Dreamscarred.

2009-01-07T22:42:00.003+08:00

Last night, I had the queerest, the scariest dream of my entire life. Not even my prior dream of killing someone and subsequently hiding in the ceiling could match up to this one I am about to tell you. It's so queer and scary I could still feel the after-effects of the dream even 12 over hours after waking up.

Ok, so here it goes. I can't remember what leads up to this dream, so I will go to the point straight.

I dreamt I severed my right foot on my own accord with a steel string saw. It was severed two thirds down my lower leg, and it was a clean cut, like how you would cut a sausage into 2 clean portions. There wasn't any blood strangely. So after the insane act of me severing my own foot without much thought, the severed foot stood on the floor like how those mannequin feet would in the footwear shops. Surreal image it was. The dream replica of me looked upon my dream replica of my severed right foot without the slightest hint of any emotion. So I was just staring at that foot of mine, going, "Oh. What is this? That looks like my foot!" Finally cognizant of the situation, I looked down on my leg, and saw a stump of a leg, then I looked at the severed foot again on the floor. Still not feeling any emotion. However, some irrational part of me urged me to complete my leg again. So the emotionally detached dream replica of me went to pick up my severed foot, which was relatively heavy judging from my dream sense of weight. So, I went on to rejoin the severed foot back to the stump of my right leg, pressing really hard as if they would re-attach like how papers would stick together with glue. The foot *my foot* dropped many times. Only on the 4th time (I think) did it managed to stay together with my leg again. After my makeshift dream surgery, I tried to wriggle my toes and feel something with that foot, hell, this is the part that gives me the creeps. Everything felt so foreign and surreal, even in a normally reason-deficient dream scenario.

My right foot still feel so cold, so detached even now when I am typing this.

It's really strange to dream of a bodily alienation and to feel the process of matching things back together again to make an entity that I could so easily identify as "Me", which in fact are just little parts joined together. So, who is the real "Me"?

Madness.

Du Riechst So Gut

2009-01-06T23:15:00.002+08:00

So much for the silence for the past week ever since 2009 presented itself upon my doorstep without my summon.

I have been back to school and stuff, the latter included senseless studying for some clicking ''fun'' for some virtual scores. A system of test administration which I am so spiteful towards for technology, in my eyes, is not infallible. So let's not torture ourselves by delving excessively into that quagmire of intangible shit. =)

To cheer my devoid state of mind up, and partially from the recommendation from my good friend Alden, I watched the 2006 film called Perfume: The Story of a Murderer. Pretty good movie, despite the dramatic end of excessive bared skin and an illogical end to the main character. It still manages to profile the mind and the emotional upheavals of a killer very well, of which reminded me alot of Ted Bundy that O-So-Charming-Guy. The movie was based on a book of the similar title which inspired the above song spawned by Rammstein.

Sinfully delicious. *grin*

Now, back to mundane reality of social pretense and all that jazz.

Welcoming 2009.

2009-01-01T00:20:00.002+08:00

You thought you have successfully dealt with a year? Here's another one for you even before you can take a break!

That's all I have to say. =P

To Bid You Farewell, 2008

2008-12-30T21:04:00.003+08:00

As I figured I'd out wasting my time squeezing with other hundred thousands of equally bored people out in the town tomorrow night waiting for 5 minutes worth of fireworks or some form of amusement somehow, I shall post my final blog post now.

So, let's look back in the year 2008 from one aspect to another.

I felt strange in the year 2008, it feels as thought the year is divided into two parts. Before I gotten my A Level Results and after. Before I have acquired my results, I was just spending time working odd jobs and lazing away my time. There wasn't really anything happening, honestly. My emotions ranged from carefree joy to thinking capitalism is an evil concept because I had no travel concession so I had to spend alot on getting around to feeling extremely and intensely alienated due to my excessive lack of human contact. The sense of alienation was so immense that I actually felt misanthropic. Pretty bad it was. It was then that I have watched the most number of movies in the shortest time possible - like a mean number of 2 movies each day. During these first few months of 2008, I had my brush with a long terrible sickness which rendered me incapable to eat comfortably for nearly 2 weeks, which was my experience with insane rate of weight loss. Impressive, say the least.

Then, came the A Levels results, which changed my emotional state for the. worst. The set of grades didn't bring optimism for admission into the mainstream local universities, so I made to settle with a course and school I didn't have initial intention to. A sense of furthur alienation sunk into my consciousness, being unable to move on to university like a normal junior college student would, therefore losing out on the experience of going to a university. Trust me, this doesn't feel good, at all. So, henceforth, I could no longer laugh heartily and I have been ever more misanthropic. This doesn't help at all for my naturally introverted disposition... I just seem to take a deeper plunge into solitude; hoping I'd see nobody that I know on the streets when I am out; hoping nobody would come and shatter my silence; hoping nobody would ask me about my academic life or about anything for that matter. I grew to like isolation and silence. Drawing joy solely from music, movies and things I read. There were times, I felt as if the isolation and misanthropic atmosphere is so thick around me, enclosing me in, suffocating me. Madness.

Enough of wretchedness, you might want to inform me. Alright! Moving on!

I shall not touch on metal music listening, because that has became so routinised in me, I could no longer feel any significiance in happenings in this aspect. It's just a continual listen, numb to the variables of time and space. Haha. I have to give credits to albums like Cradle of Filth's Godspeed on The Devil's Thunder, Pain's Cynic Paradise, Eluveitie's Slainas, which gave some spice into my auditory cauldron though. Those are heavily impressive albums that are worth a hear. I just wish Lamc Productions or any production company would stop bringing in redundant shows *Ting Tings!* *Dream Theatre and A7X for the nth time!* and spend their resources on something worthwhile like *ahem* Opeth or Cradle of Filth or Immortal or Anything-is-better-than-TingTings.

I also shall not touch on card flourishing because I have been doing it for 4 years and counting, nohing is really worth going insane over. Except I finally slain procrastination and went out to film several individual videos which has proved to be comforting to me to see my ideas made flesh. You can witness my visual vicious vendetta below;

Expect for more arty farty videos from me in 2009!

On all things erudite, I must say I have attained a more diverse and comprehensive view of philosophy from my autodidactic endeavour, which has pleased the ravenous depths of my mind extensively. Also, I have watched more movies than ever (still less than the hell-bent Kevin who swore to watch every film in IMBD.com Top 250 and not go blind in the process, I know) this year, amounting to nearly 90 movies, that's close to watching a movie every 3 to 4 days or so on an average. Impressive for my raveous pair of beginner-filmwatching eyes. For the movies released this year, I have enjoyed Burn After Reading, No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Sweeney Todd *Sweet Rickman!*, Tokyo! (Japanese), Forgetting Sarah Marshall *even sweeter Russell Brand!*, Dark Knight, The Banishment (Russian) and Tropic Thunder most. Now, I am awaiting the opening of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Valkyrie next in the first quarter of 2009, to see Brad Pitt screw up his biological clock and to see Tom Cruise getting screwed by the Nazis for dissent. Whoo!

Enough of talking about myself!

I would like to take this cyber opportunity to extend my thanks to these people for making 2008 a bearable year.

My family. They are the best, no questions. I mean, come on, you have a sister who is an uprising singer and has a CD released and whom you can talk anything (ranging from movies to intellectual stuff) to, you have a brother who shares the humour and fun with, parents who make you laugh and appreciate. That is enough.

Rasul whose constant sessions of soul exposure, or more like him probing me into talking and me hearing his lewd and sardonic discourses about life and lunacy and people and his quatrains, brought much joy and distraction from life and living itself. His company has proven to be indispensible. Although he has always adovcated about leading life without any tender emotional endearments. I would like to give him one massive Platonic thank you. I hope I have made his 2008 interesting, say the least.

Alden - a friend that I have known for 8 years and counting. A person whom I can talk casually with, a person whom I can share my joys and sorrows and nonsense with. A person to whom I can let my guard down and admit "Yes, I am a sucker!". A true friend to me in more than 1 way, our shared interest in cards, metal music, The Face of Melinda, occult, nonsense, and most of all - misan behaviour. I can't imagine life without him. One amazing person despite his self-negating tendencies. Thank you, Alden! Let's have more misan in 2009!

Valerie whose shared conversations made me felt ever comfortable and less tense. It's really amazing to have you by my side, soothing out my nerves. Thank you, Valerie. Have a great 2009 ahead, whatever your endeavours be!

The Flourishers/Card Wielders - Jaspas, Leon, Jordan (later part of 2008), Ambrose, Stuart, Ben You, Kenneth (later part of 2008), Kevin (for the front part of 2008 when he is still in Singapore), for their continual meetups that made my Saturdays less dull and made me continously motivated to fiddle with my paper rectangles and to come up with new material. You guys are amazing friends to have; always there to inspire, to motivate, to make me laugh, to make me be interested in card flourishing continously, to spend time with, to push the art of cards together. I am very grateful for all of your presences. Let's make 2009 an even better year for the pasteboards! Viva la Flourishing!

Vika Korosec "Dust Puppy" for those nifty online chats, you have injected life into my life greatly and I appreciate the friendship and your temptations for me to head to MetalCamp endlessly. I would really wish to meet you in real 3 dimensional life someday, one day! Then we can go geek around, metal around, whatever. =)

To the rest of the humanity, thank you for making me realise you have too many flaws and superificial qualities and that I most probably hate you. ^^ You just made my socialising easier, I do not have to spend time doing trial and error work. Amazing.

Now, for 2009, I wish for normalcy for I innately know irony will come back in a catapult in your face and whatever you wish for will backfire somehow. Just give me normalcy, I will do the miracles myself. Wahahaha.

As 2008 sounds its death knells.

2008-12-28T13:53:00.002+08:00

Only 3 days left in the year of 2008.

School begins again tomorrow for me, it is weird. People around are having some sort of closure for the year, while I am faced with the mindset of a new term, another start. It sort of screws up my sense of time and space, half of me will be recalling the past year and half of me will be trying to adapt to the new term once again and to get the momentum going again. The timetable is terrible that way, to screw up my sense of time and space, making my mind go topsy trying to register events on the timeline. The inability to register the events made me melancholic. It's like facing a big morass of emotional entanglement, losing the capability to explain it, lost. One big mess. I lack the words to describe it succinctly. The only phrase I think I can use is "I can feel the abyss staring back at me."

Somehow, I have always felt I do not belong to the human race... It's like I think I will be better off being part of nature or an element or cosmic energy. Very queer inclination, yes. But at least, I believe I will like that much better than being a human. Anything is better than being a human trying to fit into the world of superficial shallowness, irrationality, the absurd, and the burden of living and pseudo responsibilities of work and social roles.

The abyss is staring back at everyone, without their knowledge.

The Power of Silence

2008-12-23T11:27:00.001+08:00

Bliss.

Traumatised

2008-12-22T11:23:00.002+08:00

After a long hard intense year of yearning for some more Goth Detective action at this year's Big Fat Quiz of the Year show, I am disappointed at what the show has to offer this year. Just look at this.This is heretical. This shall not be condoned.

Watch this. How can this be topped, ever?

"You ruined Christmas, you're the Nazi Grinch! Might as well save it when you ruined everyone's nights."

I just hope the new unheard of lineup will provide some decent joy nonetheless.

I am still very much traumatised. Gah.

Hanging out at a bar, darts and plummeting body temperature

2008-12-19T22:19:00.003+08:00

So, yesterday, I finally got something nice to go to. I accompanied my sister and her boyfriend, Ian to her EP promotional event at a really nifty backpacker hostel and bar called Prince of Wales at Little India, since I am rotting at home, with nothing better to expend my time on except being hell bent to up my score at this Facebook game which I highly suspect has marijuana added in.

So, we set off to the bar in a real indie style, in Ian's car, with my sister writing her music url by hand on the gig flyers painstakingly one by one in the bumpy car. I like Ian's driving style, because it's has the Tokyo drift feel to it, haha! Really quite haphazard, which was refreshing from my dad's way of tame driving. We went to an Indian restuarant for dinner which was a nice experience to have, since my prior brushes with Indian food was eating roti prataa and the usual fare at Jalan Kayu or foodcourts, which wasn't exactly the real deal.

Thereafter, I hung around the bar whilst my sister went on to prepare for her performance with her band mates, and I actually watched a football match seriously (it was a match between some Japanese team and Manchester United, ManU obviously won), I was that bored. Haha. Ian got me a drink, my first in over a year, actually.

So the gig went on, smoothly, nothing to talk about the gig since I have heard her sing for 193736329734829 times, to be exact. Heh.

After the gig, Ian taught me how to play darts, which I thought was mathematically tedious. Just bloody hit the bull's eye, for fuck's sake. Ignoring that aspect, I generally sucked at that game being a first timer at it, I owned Ian once though when I hit the bull's eye, that was kickass. Haha! Listened to my sister and her JC friends and Ian talked for awhile, which topics ranged from synonymous words for the word - vagina to ways to have the final and the most satisfying jerk offs to Twilight (of which my sister and Ian passionately expounded to her friends how badly it sucked, of which I share their viewpoints entirely, because I know, with overwhelming confidence that Anne Rice's vampires reign).

And, today, I went to meet the flourishers for dineer and a card session at Vivo City, went to saunter around a new shop - National Geographic, which was a really neat place where they placed photographs of theirs from different eras of National Geographic's history and selled some momentos. One thing that made me so very amazed by that shop is that there is a special chamber for customers to try out their thermal jackets where the temperatures were set to below freezing temperatures. Always wanted to try feel that sort of temperature, I enthusiastically went in with that oversized jacket (which I thought made me look a complete fool >_>). At first I stepped into the chamber, it felt completely alright, I thought, "Hey, this isn't that bad!" Until the door completely shutted itself and the fan was switched on at full speed, those grim winds were blowing at me so fiercely that I could hardly breathe properly. It was indeed cold. *Correction* Very frostbitten cold as Immortal could have put it, haha! There was a counter where you can see your body temperature. I saw mine plummeting to the range of 25 degree celcius within that minute or so. It was INSANE. Now, I have a vague idea of how David Blaine must have felt during his Frozen In Time endurance stunt. And, 60 hours. That is madness. *This is Sparta!* I could feel my blood slowing down and freezing inside myself. From that minute or so of grimness, I must say I have developed a liking for that sensation of freezing from inside out. It's just strangly alluring... Then I exited the chamber, took off the jacket and immediately, that is when my hypothalamus went bat fuck insane and started to shiver like I never shivered before. It was kickass, in a weird way.

Ling has a new goal in life - to experience the lowest temperature ever. =D
Hail to the frostbitten cold winds of Blashryk, Mighty Ravendark!

(I kind of wished I didn't have the thermal jacket on though, that will be even more intense, =P)

Measly portion of holidays, tarot, and something else.

2008-12-18T11:48:00.002+08:00

So, thus my last portion of my year 1 hospital attachment aka free toilings have came to an end, and I am bestowed with a 2 weeks worth of holidays, which I thought was a little measly. But anyhow! It is still good to be relieved of the drudgery of an boring regimen of sleeping and awaking at incredibly early timings and mingling with people I hardly know and all that jazz. Haha.

So, a card-flourishing friend of mine called Bowen whom took on an interest in Tarot readings, something which I had meddled with extensively in my mid-teens, which in turn successfully ruined my secondary 3 academics because those readings have proved to be mentally draining. Henceforth, I swore not to give another reading ever again. However, sigh, deary sigh, Bowen was desperate for someone to give him a reading, so I very much reluctantly gave one. >_< It took like 3 to 4 years of hiatus from it to regain a good level of mental stability, and I just broke it. Absolute bleah. Gah.

On other news, it's really been awhile since I have went to heal myself properly by heading to the Esplanade library, settling myself down on one of those comfy sofas and enjoy a good solid read. I should do it one day. The procrastination again. Haha.

Exactly 2 more weeks to 2009. 14 days. Time is too fast. It's making me panic unceasingly. The cruelties of time. Nonetheless, I still await the coming of 2012. =P You'll know why.

Dido: Grafton Street Live

2008-12-10T21:44:00.002+08:00

Dido is back to mesmerise my hedonistic pair of ears, I really like this song, it has a queer alluring air around the it; it almost places me in a semi-reverie state of mind where my rational and cognizant faculties fail to manifest. Dreamy sigh. Perfect for rainy dawns and pouring midnights, when I stir from my slumber or vice versa or when I am commuting in an empty ~~last~~ bus.

My sister used to be a fan of hers, had her first CD - No Angel and I'd always loot it off her shelf and listen to it almost every night. I think this admiration of hers towards Dido wouldn't be that strong now since she is now officially in the music industry. Hah. How fragile.

Equilibrium

2008-12-08T10:44:00.002+08:00

Last night, surprisingly, I voluntarily went to bed at an unusually early time of 12am (that's considered early as it's a public holiday the next day), when I usually repose only around 3 to 4 am. So I arose today feeling extremely well rested at the time of 8am, with the weather complementing my mood - it was drizzling and cool. It just felt so awesome to stir from my slumber with the sound of rain and the feel of cool winds and the coldness of the floor, yeah, I am not the sort who like sunshine and heat. =P Which made me want to reside in an isolated cabin in Norway or something, to be able to wake up and see and hear nothing and nobody but snow and nature. It must be awesome.

So, carrying that rested mood, I went to have breakfast (something I cannot pull off in ages on occasions like weekends or holidays, because I always wake up only in time for lunch, haha!) which consist of pancakes and Milo! Plus, plus, to listen to Dido's new album while eating and surfing the net while the rain continues to trickle, while most of the people in the house are still in slumber. The peace is paramount. =D

Now! To head off for yet another card session with the usual group and to acquire tickets for a movie (Hunger, film adaptation of Knut Hamsun's book) tomorrow at the National Museum, now I hope the rain would cease, for it would hinder my saunter around town greatly. Haha!

Finally. And the vissitudes of time.

2008-12-03T19:53:00.004+08:00

So today I finally procured the latest Pain album - Cynic Paradise, around a month after the official release, thanks to the incompetent customs and crap along that line. So, I laid my hands upon the jewel case with high expectations of the contents that lie within for I hope it will at least be on par with Psalms Of Extinction, Tagtgren's previous work. I went back home and sampled the disc seriously and yet with an open mind, as usual for what I do for the new CDs I bought.

Ok, I got to put aside the fangirl aspect of this whole issue and admit only half the songs inside the album caught my ears' elusive and extremely picky in nature attention, namely, "I'm Going In", "Follow Me", "Monkey Business", "Not Your Kind", "Feed Us". The whole album just gives me the feeling of "Dancing with the Dead" CD, with equal amount of highs and lows. Maybe I should give concession to the fact that Tagtgren had a traumatising incidence when he got attacked during tour and that making one album in each year consectively would have detrimental effects on the quality of the songs.

Other things on my mind include the urge to visit the beach at night, just to sit at the breakwaters and feel as though the world is about to end when the sea breezes come sweeping at you at high velocity, as Matyn so aptly put it. To gather inspiration and ideas for a flourish video that is loosely based on Albert Camus' Myth of Sisyphus, hard to execute, but I will see what I can pull off. And, lastly, waiting for the Subway outlet to open at my workplace now - Tan Tock Seng Hospital, so I can make myself bankrupt like never before. Yipee!

I was lamenting yesterday on how terrible it was to feel the jarring speed of a variable called time, so fast it was, I could no longer differentiate with ease of incidences and the people related to each different times. I used to be able to compartmentalise that very easily without any effort. And that seriously freaked the fuck out of me; it just left me gasping in the dust caused by the passing of time feeling extremely spaced out. I was still learning how to deal with my sudden career path due to the unsuccessful university application; to deal with life after A Levels, which were back in March or April this year. Now. *looks at calender* 3rd December 2008, 9.22pm. I have less than 20 odd days left in the year 2008. 20 odd days. 20. Then, it will be 2009. That will be 4 years since I left secondary school, 4 years since I got acquainted with a teacher/best friend that hugely influenced my way of thinking and character, 3 years since my brush with brash love and a certain someone (I have moved on ever since, don't worry, just using this as a gauge of time), 2 years since junior college. Now, I will be forever stuck with a thing called radiography, which appeared itself out of nowhere and stuck its face in mine without prior warning. Unless, I picked up my guts, place them in a bag and head to a destination that I could literally die for - social sciences, and more especially Philosophy. Dreamy sigh. I can only sigh.

I seriously dislike the feeling of time spinning so fast that you'll get motion sickness from it, which renders you all weakened and in a depressive reverie, which in turn let time take advantage of the situation again and pass by you even faster than before. That is why I have a long-term resolution that I read and learn and observe and appreciate and understand things as much as I could before I get one year older every year. So much so, I think I will be bored of most things before I reach the age of 25.

At this point of time, I would like to introduce this German romantic painting done by Casper David Friedrich - Wanderer Above The Sea of Fog.Just see how the protagonist of this painting, who stands on top of a high precipice, peering above and beyond the minute details and absorbing the grandeur and beauty of the scenery; at the same time, the vast and immense quality of the scenery glares back at him - a lone human being. A human being so very insignificiant compared to the nature. In addition, one can never be sure of what lies beneath those torrents of fog, worsening the idea of danger and uncertainity. The human's idea to absorb beauty and find grace are ruined, made into an irony. I leave this to your reverie to discern.

I swear reveries are spawns of a greater evil. I was in mine just now and my ice cream just melted. Fuck. >_>

Of a tourist attraction and death of a countryman

2008-11-29T22:41:00.003+08:00

So I am done with my mid-semester tests, which explains the long absence of posts here. Let's see, what happened in the span of nearly 10 days. A Filipino magician/flourisher Jenil paid Singapore a 3 day 2 night visit as a detour for Lee Asher's Malaysia lecture, it was a nice experience to receive a guest and play host, especially if it's a flourishing exchange. So basically, I had to slow down my usual pace of going through things and explain how travelling using public transport is done, what kind of food we usually have, how to order things, and general information about a glorious place called Singapore *ERP annoyances and crowded trains*. It's nice to explain such things to a visitor, it makes one appreciate the country and the systems slighty more. Tour-guide tendencies aside, I hope Jenil doesn't feel too odd when the rest of us speak Singlish or Chinese or when the food here doesn't suit his taste. It was a chaotic visit, as he only got to getting the bus ticket to Malaysia on the final day here or so. Really last minute. Regardless of that, it was a pleasant experience.

Now, for the grave end of the spectrum of discussing about my country. Lo Hwei Yen, a Singaporean has been brutally slain (at least that's what said from the press) by yet another group of religious extremists (sigh) in Mumbai on Friday night. Unsure of how and why she was killed, all I have to say that it is most tragic and unfortunate. I am sure the close ones of the deceased wouldn't want to find out the details of how she ceased life either, for it will bring greater pain and less possibility of a closure. But why she was chosen to be killed was a paramount question. I know that she was a very difficult position between choosing for her life or informing the government of Singapore, because she had known of the attack before it's been publicised (the terrorists asked her to tell the Singaporean government not to inform the Indian authorities, quite a retarded and logically flawed statement made by the terrorists, in my opinion). And, the terrorists wanted her to either stay silent or die. I guess her deeply rational lawyer-instincts made her inclined to do the righteous thing and forgone the thought that she might most probably lose her life in the midst of justifying her lawyer-instincts. I don't know if it's appropriate to refer her to the title of a "martyr", yes because she died in a terrorism siege and did the righteous thing according to what the common folksmen of Singapore has been saying on the streets. No because we are entirely unsure of what really happened and those Jihad-mad loonies might have just killed anybody who appeared to be an annoyance in their captivity.

I was just reasoning with myself about those Jihad activists, didn't their thick unpenetrative cranial matter hinted to them that since repeated attempts of such holy activities usually ended up in utter failure and comtempts of mankind, maybe, just maybe(!!), they are doing it in the entire wrong way and that they should just give up about an Islamic world with Allah (or whatever they wanted to campaign for, couldn't care less for their terminology and taglines), pack up and head back home and try lead a normal life. "Pick up a hobby, go to the library and read more, go on a trek, socialise with old friends, I heard it works!", that is my advice to them.

The only crime is stupidity. Get away from organisations. Question oneself. Use your brain ah! =(

Gaahl

2008-11-20T21:26:00.001+08:00

I am being referred to have a resemblance to this man. I take it as a good sign.

I especially like how he described his philosophy. Very succinct.

Opeth - The Night and the Silent Water (Roundhouse Tapes)

2008-11-19T00:32:00.001+08:00

Look, people, just look at the intensity and the virtuosity of the music towards the last minute. It's beyond words.

Now, I wish they could play The Apostle in Triumph live. That will kick alot of asses.

I am very much affected by Alden's Opeth tendencies and I guess that is a good thing. Lol.

Fog

2008-11-16T20:22:00.005+08:00

This weekend was an especially laid back one, since I practically stayed at home and let my body and mind rest. With the surplus of time set aside from staying home all day, I decided to dig out my father's CDs which I listened to when I was a child - Les Miserables musical soundtrack, Carpenters.

It gave me the most insanely warm and fuzzy feeling as I listened on. Images of my childhood came flooding back; my old home at Serangoon (of which I remembered that I always refused to sleep on my bed since it is near a wall next to the staircase - I hated the shuffling of feet at night, it's creepy). Times with my siblings when we played at the simple (by today's technological standards) playground downstairs that has sand on the ground, and I always prefer to play with the sand instead of the playground paraphernalia, because I can write/draw anything I like on it and partially because I suck at climbing around those bars and all that jazz, and I fear falling down. =\ Which explains my reluctance to learn how to ride a bicycle. Still am now. Haha. I also recalled the low knee-height wooden table that my mother always force me and my siblings to learn reading and writing on, she is a great mother really, to buy those assessment books and get us to do it daily. My sister was resistant to that method of learning, and she'd always use her pencil to crave or vandalise the table with words which I had difficulty comprehending back then, I remembered one word she used was "idiot", and I remembered being very impressed by that word. But nonetheless, as a young adult now, I am really grateful of what my mother did, whose efforts resulted in all three siblings being in the prestigious EM1 stream, doing Higher Chinese, receiving the government's academic monetary awards almost yearly and in junior colleges. I will definitely do the same to my offsprings. Haha!

My father used to have a whole set of Children and Adult encyclopaedia sitting on those sturdy wooden shelves, and I remembered being a very bored pre-kindergarten person, who decided to flip those encyclopaedia one day and I thought it will be cool to read up on Golf because my father was into that hobby back then. So, when he and his golfing friend were conversing some days later about the clubs, I said something like "Isn't that a Wood? And that is the Iron?" That was the very first time adults were genuinely, heavily impressed by me - a mere 3 or 4 year old who was supposed to keep quiet when adults are talking. It was awesome.

Now, to less erudite pursuits of my earlier years, I recalled an extravagant incident amongst my playmates who congregated at the void deck every evening for games and plain old stupid running around and catching. One of the playmates (of whom I did not recognise as part of the clique) by the unflattering name of Curry Chicken or Chicken Curry (we can never decide which one was the grammatically correct); so this Chicken Curry stole my relatively new 4 wheeled bicycle (I refuse to learn the 2 wheeled bicycle) and somehow days later, I found it lying in a big drain all destroyed. I was furious, and me and my other playmates decided to exact revenge on that Curry Chicken. We set up a ruse to lure Curry Chicken into a empty electrical storeroom at the void deck, then I slammed the door shut and locked it with a padlock. I remembered leaving him there overnight. *Grin*

One of the fears in my childhood included an Indian guy with weird eyes and a deranged grimace who persistently loiters around the wondrous MaMa shop near my house, which effectively deterred me from patronising the shop and henceforth, the procuring of tidbits. Maybe that's why I grew up with a neutral attitude towards commodities like chocolates and potato chips. So yeah, this guy will look at me or any other kids for that matter when he is walking by and that freaked the fuck out of me and when I am near him, I will curse under my breath for my bad luck and uttered to myself, "Holy fuck! Do not get any closer to me! Fuck! No! Hell! Fuck! Fuck!" Of course, those highly sophisticated cusswords did not exist in my vocabulary back then.

I also remembered the times when I followed my mother to the market, with my brother in the pram and me just tottering at the side of my mother, while my sister is off to primary school. My mother would ask me to wait outside the very terrifying looking market (in my child eyes it appeared to be very vast, eternal and very very wet indeed) while she went to choose the fish and vegetables. Afterwhich we will go to the Bean Curd shop for Soya Bean drink and bean curd, I still recalled it to be extremely delicious and a real royal treat. Now, I really want to head back to reminisce them soon. There is a McDonalds there too, but entrance into that place was a sparse occasion because it is considered an luxury and even if we get to eat it, it will be sharing 1 meal among the siblings. As a result, I always dreamt of having one whole meal to myself. My mother would also get donuts from a nearby bakery on the way back. Those donuts are orgasmic, it's always warm, fluffy and properly sugared (the ones I eat nowadays are so lackadaisical).

I attended a Christian private kindergarten of which I remembered we did nothing except to play water, play sand, and say nonsensical words before mealtimes and hearing "Amen" being said everywhere and everytime. It was weird. I wasn't impressed by the academic standards displayed at the kindergarten, since I have peeked at the traditional PAP kindergartens and I saw numbers and alot of words on the blackboard, so naturally, I expected something similar of that vigour. Evidently not. We had to play water, play sand and say nonsensical words instead. =\ I have to give them credit for the satisfactory marconi soup though.

Next, during my stay at YangZheng Primary School, I recalled being a quasi misanthropic fellow in Primary 2 because I sat next to a window that has a bored out hole with ants crawling out and that grim imagery made me quasi misanthropic. Haha! Coming to Primary 3, there weren't a proper form teacher so the class wasn't exactly serious in learning. I took advantage of that situation and topped the class, it was again, awesome. I remembered getting full marks for Mathematics, freaking impossible! Haha! This attracted the school authorities to offer me a Prefect status, but I nonchalantly rejected it. I also remembered playing monkey bars with the boys during recess to the point of getting blisters on my hands and fingers. Which explains my tendency to get into masculine hobbies now - card flourishing and metal music.

Weekends in my childhood were mostly spent with my family at the beach, and my mother would prepare a plethora of food and we would go on a picnic because it is cheap. We could run around the shores, bury each other's feet into the sand, dig a lagoon hoping it would work (mostly it didn't), play badminton when there is strong winds, go find fallen coconuts and wreck them by trashing them around, and tempting the tame Singaporean waves to devour our puny bodies and being really silly. My father filmed some of the outings down, trust me, upon viewing those VCDs, I feel like stabbing my younger self to death because I sounded so disgusting. I remembered being a proficient runner in childhood as I could easily outrun my father, brother and sister. I wonder where did those athletic genes have gone to? Maybe my father, brother and sister weren't serious in those footraces. Haha! One interesting beach encounter was the discovery of a Jamaican 1997 card calender on the shore of Pasir Ris beach. Jamaica all the way to Singapore. That's amazing.

At this point, it's getting hard to retrieve any more details as most of the memories are getting increasingly vague and foggy. Unfortunately.

One more amazing outfit in my wardrobe

2008-11-13T16:25:00.003+08:00

Today, during Patient Care practical lesson, we had to learn how to put on those kickass callous looking surgical gown and all that jazz. It was a great experience because it makes one feel like a doctor almost immediately. Ignoring that aspect, I have to say it is not as simple as you would see it on TV where they just slip it on and off within seconds without any hassle. It really requires a certain level of thinking regarding on which side/which corner of the gown or the apparel to touch and the sequence of dressing up and removing. Especially for the gloves and the cuff of the gown, that part is tricky. =\

To identify Ling: Look for a \m/.

Now, that I have acquired a set of the gown, my mind is concoting several ways to use it to sinister uses *photoshoot* *flourish videos*. That will be interesting. I just need some red liquid and some scalpels. Muahaha! No, I kid. =P

But I have no idea but the process of wearing that gives me a special sense of calmness. :o

Amongst other news, looks like Ling has got to remain phone-less until tomorrow evening, for the incompetent repair service is going to take 2 days. My third service within a year! I vowed to myself that I will not procure a Zero Dollar phone the next time, there are bound to be problems.

I Will Derive!

2008-11-13T01:42:00.001+08:00

To all the mathematics denizens out there who read this blog, you will love this!

That just made me want to do some maths now.

21st century isolation

2008-11-11T21:52:00.002+08:00

So my handphone decided to play dead on me 2 days back, or the network provider. Either one. Rendering me incapable of sending out text messages. Agonising it is, to keep looking at the screen, hoping the damned messages will disappear from the outbox, every few hours for 2 days. So, being unable to send out messages, I logically would recieve none in return as well. I spent 2 days in handphone-silence, feeling myself getting out of touch, then gradually making me feel burdened and unburdened at the same time. Burdened; because I am now crippled by this inability to communciate in a fast manner. Unburdened; because I can now stop investing the time and effort to even look at the phone if there are new messages, it feels odd, something like taking a mini mind-vacation off the tasks of committing my thumbs to the keypad.

Thus, the title of this post - 21st century isolation. You are surrounded by people, but you are silent, you communicate with your mobile instead. Once deprived of that tool, the isolation kicks in full swing, you go batshit (I told myself not to, instead to just see how this could give me new insights), the people around you gets non-existent. You are isolated.

While heading home just now after a long day in school (I cannot say it's gruelling because nothing is more gruelling than JC, so long would contend), I was dragging my body home listening to Burzum's Det Som En Gang Var on a damp leaf-strewn lonely dark stretch of road. To add to the 21st century isolation I was experiencing, I was feeling really inhumane. That is pretty cool. =P

Satyricon Live in New Delhi, India

2008-11-07T23:59:00.001+08:00

This is not fair. Totally not fair.

Satyricon! India?! Satyricon? INDIA?! First they have Iron Maiden, and now of all things, black metal - Satyricon?

Ling is fuming. *makes guttural noises*

Oh wait, I shall treat this as a good thing as bands are starting to play in more far-fetch areas *Asia - Singapore* instead of always touring for 6 thousand times in the Europe and 10 thousand times in America in a year. I kid about the figures, but yeah, they are definitely over performing in Europe. Vika told me bands could come to the same country for more than 3 times a year for a concert, that's why she got bored of gigs. Blasphemy! Gigs are like sacred moments! Hmphmh!

Ah wells. I don't really like to mix with kids who thinks they are "satanic", "aryan", "pagan" , "br00tal" who own 258732 band t-shirts. Come on, you are a fucking Chinese in Singapore. Just listen for the aesthetic quality. =\

Oh, I got reminded that there will a congregation of metalcore kids tomorrow at Fort Canning for the Taste of Chaos tour thing. *mental note: avoid that place*

In other pleasant news, Rammstein just announced that they have started recording their new 6th studio album. Es ist gut! I will never need to worry about Rammstein, they are one of the most consistent bands out there (other contenders of my opinion are Pain, Immortal and Falkenbach). Can't wait!

Positivity

2008-11-06T19:52:00.002+08:00

Suede - Positivity

You say what you want to say
Your diamonds are drops of rain
Your smile is your credit card
Your currency is your love

And the morning is for you
And the air is free
And the birds sing for you
And your positivity

You play where you want to play
On the main streets where the creeps all prey
And you can feel like you're in dynasty
You could be what you want to be

And the morning is for you
And the air is free
And the birds sing for you
And your positivity

And the cars crash for you
And the sunshine is free
And the sirens call you

Yes, the morning is for you
Yes, the air is free
Yes, the world spins for you
And your positivity
Positivity
----------------------------

That is a song of which I listened to for a brief moment during my lower secondary school days, hooked it up again recently. It's been a long time since I felt so calmly inspired by a song, since John Lennon's Imagine. It feels good to feel inspired again.

It tells you happiness and a positive attitude all depend and derive from a change of our habitual perception of the world, which is usually a negative one.

So, what has a song got to relate to me? Well, I am slightly overwhelmed by the speed of pleasant things that are occurring to me recently, ranging from human relations to flourishing to an inherent individual level.

Number #1 - Apparently, MTV really like card flourishing, they are going to feature the classic Jam Time video (of which I have submitted due to their request) as a Video of The Week at MTV Best Show Ever. This is awesome enough news, let alone that they are going to send a limited edition Swatch watch for that video submission. Haha!

Number #2 - Card flourishing related again. I might appear on Okto channel doing flourishes in a Live broadcast show.

Number #3 - I really enjoy the company of friend(s) *Drasula* I have now.

The first 2 occurred in rapid succession in just 2 days. O_o

Now, Ling, you are a mere mortal and please get back to Earth now.

An evaluation.

2008-11-01T00:54:00.002+08:00

I have acquired the latest opus from Cradle of Filth - Godspeed on the Devil's Thunder, with anticipation and apprehension. Anticipation because Dani and Paul had revealed that the album would sound like their older songs from Dusk and her Embrace to Midian, that is a very bold thing to declare, knowing how mighty are songs of their from that era. So I'd really hope that at least this new album would provide some respite from the terror that Thornography had spewed out in 2006 and instil some reborn hopes for this filthy crew. Apprehension is the part that I fear that the vestige of Thornography would re-appear in this album and that Dani's lyric work would be laborious and the general lack of inspiration lyrically and in terms of the lyric booklet design and captions therein.

Anticipation and apprehension aside, I give the disc around 5 listens back to back, looking for little details and sparks of auditory genius. I got to say that tracks like "Shat out of Hell", "Tragic Kingdom", "Honey and Sulphur", "Sweet Maleficia" and "Midnight Shadows Crawl to Counsel..." sounded like the vestiges of Dusk and Her Embrace and Cruelty and the Beast combined, minus the lyrical genius that Dani used to express so well in his younger ages.

Tracks like "Darkness Incarnate" and the title-track - "Godspeed on the Devil's Thunder" are the ones that caught my attention as they had the sheer searing amount of dazzling, blinding energy that I used to so relish in their songs, like "Queen of Winter Throned", "I Thank God for The Suffering", "Tortured Soul Asylum" or "Amor E Morte" and the likes of the gems in their younger years. Though they possess the escalating amount of energy, it is never enough to match up to the predecessors, for currently, somehow, the album lacks a certain something, which I have yet to decipher. Maybe it's the energy of the youth, that passionate impulse. Trying to recapture that when one is nearing midlife certainly isn't an easy task. I got to give them credits for the job though, to build up a conceptual album and trying their best again, for the filthy fans. The title-track had elements from Cruelty and The Beast and Midian, too.

One thing I absolutely loathe about this album is the excessive use of the oral narration by Pinhead Doug Bradley, I mean, "Come on, I have ears to discern the atmosphere of the music, I do not need a damn e-book over here." Once or twice is enough, but for almost every track? =| Maybe Dani likes Doug Bradley alot. I also think that the new female vocalist should not be there, why take the trouble to replace when Sarah Jezebel is doing such an awesome job? I do not get it. One more point, the lyric booklet artwork is fucking ridiculous, that even I have no choice but to chide it. Those artwork are worthy for a damn children's colouring book. *stabs my eyes, then performs a hara kiri with a fish* Can't they just use their old artist who did Cruelty and the Beast or Dusk and her Embrace? Those could convey the decadent emotions so much better than the current one. =| I do not get it, again.

I also miss the band portrait in the lyric booklet with an almost signature-like caption for it, like what in Midian's - "Heaven's Mutant Children". I also miss the little thing they have in Cruelty and the Beast where each member of the band is introduced as a serial killer. I really like Nick Barker's description - "Gradually perfecting his art on various parts of the body over the years, this infamous skin-beater now thrashes his victim from head to toe until she is flayed alive; wearing her skin to dinner almost as an erotic afterthought." Not to forget Dani's description - "A reowned blasphemer, this libertine now goes as far as to deflower then crucify young virgins, leaving them to suffer the agonies of the damned as carrion for the ravens and other less picky nightcrawlers..." Just look at that, humour and creativity in a single go. In addition, Dani's lyric work now looks to laboured and tedious, they no longer possess the fluidty they used to have. I used to be able to feel the madness of the music and the content emnating from the lyrics itself... I guess I have to declare that nothing from them will never again reach the madness of their albums - Dusk and her Embrace to Midian. Let my memory rest in their better days, then. The Queen of Winter, Throned will forever be throned.

Then again, I have seen and heard so much over the years, nothing could really make me go "wow! That's fucking insane!" like how I felt when I first started my forary. Maybe it's me, maybe old timer fans should just stop reminiscing and allow bands to express themselves in whatever they desired, for music is an artistic endeavour. Then again, which artist would allow a backslide when they have reached the peak of their career and attaining such high standards? I am lost. I only have to say that impulsive creativity wanes with age... at least for this case.

I just hope new fans would start out like myself, do a proper study of the band's history and weed out the bad and absorb the good, get inspired by Dani's lyrics in the Golden Age, get inspired by the historical/mythological aspects of the albums, expand on their individual knowledge, learn new words from Dani's lyrics, whatever. For that is the only fruitful outcome.

Geesh, do I feel old? I am only 19 years old, and I am starting to get bored of things. The only thing I seem to get intense emotions from is relishing my memories... Which led back to my quasi-question/conclusion that "Geesh, do I feel old?"

PAIN - Follow Me

2008-10-29T23:33:00.001+08:00

Is life too good recently? I simply can't wait for Cynic Paradise to get to Singapore. I really hope Peter Tagtgren would maintain the high standard of Pain's sound, and since he promised Cynic Paradise would return to a sound similar to their 1999 album - Rebirth, which in my opinion, is the greatest of all Pain albums. Pain is going to take over the world!

Hell, this is Christmas in advance, with Cradle of Filth's Godspeed on The Devil Thunder and Pain's Cynic Paradise releasing. Ling has to split her ears twofold! Plus, the upcoming Immortal, Rammstein and Marilyn Manson CDs. Ling is very overwhelmed! =D

Falkenbach - Vanadis (Eluveitie's cover)

2008-10-28T22:21:00.001+08:00

This is absolutely breathe-taking, the merger of 2 great mind-blowingly incredible bands, Falkenbach and Eluveitie. Monumental, extremely legendary. This is the sort of things that makes me smile without fail, and a spark to ignite within me, to put me in a state of perpetual awe.

Epic. Classic. Awesome. No words can describe.

I pay eternal homage.

A new hobby

2008-10-27T01:58:00.003+08:00

So, today, I decided to do something out of the ordinary that I would do on a weekend, or any other day for that matter, seeing how disenchanted I am regarding to places like Orchard/Bugis/City Hall recently. So today, I went for a saunter at East Coast Park at night with a good friend of mine.

Knowing how long since I have been to the beach (at least a good 2 to 3 years of hiatus), I felt immediately delighted upon the sight of the shimmering waters lapping itself to the sands. What delighted me even more was the ocean's quality likening to that of an abyss, a pit of water that could drown and give life at the same time. It's almost like the moon - mysterious and alluring. My friend said it takes a man of great depth to have a liking for the ocean and who prefers to don in black. HAHA. That sounds like me! Ok, ego-stroking aside, yeah, it is really a sheer pleasure to visit the ocean once a while, to just listen to the crashing of the waves and stare into the horizon.

So, what about the new hobby? Me and my friend were sitting at the edge of the breakwaters and appreciating the ocean while it's high tide. So the waters were rising up to the edge of the breakwaters. Adding to that sense of ''danger'' was the fact that it was nightfall, and hence the added quality of the sea being omnious and menacing because you have no idea how deep it is in the dark. And, there you are sitting at the edge of the breakwaters, looking at the rising level of the consuming tides, listening to the omnious crashings of the waves, wondering is it the time to grab your belongings and leave before the tide gets any higher. It gave me a glimpse of the primal state of humans - the basic mindset of "Fight or Flight", so that is something that is worth delving into more often. Next, my friend likes to listen to inspirational tapes while he sits there, which gave me an idea to meditate there in my next trip to the beach. That should be a great idea, provided I could discern the height of the incoming wave with my eyes closed and locked in rapture. HAHA. Yeah, I have found a new hobby! Sit by the sea and introspect or appreciate the potentially destructive nature of this water element.

One thing I am annoyed at is the amount of "campers" on the beach. I mean, you camp at a spot which is just steps away from restuarants, fast food centres, 7-11? >_< And, those people at the chalets are just plain noisy.

Friday movie therapy again!

2008-10-25T00:14:00.002+08:00

Went to watch Meirelles' Blindness this afternoon, the third consecutive time I have committed myself to a movie on a Friday, I think this has became a ritual of sorts. Haha, ritual or not, it's an awesome auto-healing process which the misanthropic Ling needs.

So this film was recommended to me by Kevin, saying it's somewhat like a quasi-dystopic film that I would enjoy. Damn straight (flourisher's pun), he was right! It somewhat reminded me of Plato's Theory of Forms - The Allegory of the Cave. As exemplifed by the blindness the people in the film experienced, this is likened to the one of the men in Plato's allegory, where everyone is deprived of sight and only could judge via other means of perceptions, everyone becomes brutish and inhuman and conditioned to remain callous (despite the fact that there was a slight peaceful moment in the movie). It takes a person to remain hopeful of the situation and remain visually-capable to mend the rest of the group. What I liked was the fact that the Blindness was a blindness that rendered people viewing in shades of white rather than the conventional black, which meant to me that it is a type of optimistic blindness that would change and purify people (as shown by the joy expressed when one blinded is cured of his malady).

End of movie ramblings now.

Why do I smell japanese food (chicken udon, I think) in the house at this ungodly hour of the night and when everyone is in bed? Speaking of that, I think it will make a good perfume - chicken udon scent. HAHA.

And, happy 20th birthday to Vika - my tea-drinking, Blind-Guardian-listening, nifty things, ugly-Lenovo-laptop, geeky friend! Have a great one!

It will be less than 3 months for me to hit my big 20th, speaking of which. Not a great thing!

So Long and Thanks for the Meme.

2008-10-22T23:04:00.003+08:00

Ganked this from Valerie; now I am going to bore you with chucks of words that are not going to pose any meaning to your respective lives. Here we go!

1. Do you have secrets?
Yes, obviously. It's only fallible to walk around with your heart unguarded, especially in such a shifty and insecure toxic environment called society. You don't want your personal details to be hovering around people like currency, losing its value. =P

2. Would you fall in love with a boy younger than you?
If he is really that impressive in all aspects (which is almost impossible), I don't see the age gap as a barrier. He might even relieve me of the drudgeries of getting old and inspire me in a way that even younger people are capable of a serious relationship and the ways of being ardent, that gives me hope. Which is a kind of special love. Then again, such mature, passionate young men are hard to locate.

3. Do you enjoy going to school?
If I study what I really enjoy, yes please, lock me in a school. If not, I will be the misanthropic Ling.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Bite them to see if they are real, caress them. When I am sufficiently sure I have really got 1b dollars, I will go to Wacken Open Air immediately, go visit Vika at Slovenia and do little nifty things on the streets of Prague, get a pair of steel-toe boots for fuck's sake! Buy DVDs, CDs, all of those that I want. Buy books that I love. Personal apartment. Nothing much really, I prefer little joys than extravagant pleasures. Things like a solitary walk down the my favourite street with a good song playing in my mp3 player makes my day far better than any posh social events, in my humble ~~hermit~~ opinion. Close friends would know I love the Esplanade library alot, I just love a slow afternoon there, with a good book and that comfortable sofa. That kind of thing soothes my heart.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Oh come on, your lover is your bestestestest friend right?

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Love comes in 2 ways, to enjoy it most, one must love and be loved.

7. List out your 15 favourite songs

(They're not in order)
1)Apostle in Triumph (Opeth)
2)Thorns of Crimson Death (Dissection)
3)The Sandman Enters (The Sandman)
4)Queen of Winter Throned (Cradle of Filth)
5)I'm No Angel (Dido)
6)Korpens Saga (Finntroll)
7)Raabjourn Speiler Draughiems Skodde (Dimmu Borgir)
8)Imagine (John Lennon)
9)War Pigs (Black Sabbath)
10)Thriller (Micheal Jackson)

The list is not exhaustive, obviously.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Liking a person is to ensure he/she is well and happy, so if he/she is happy in his/her situation, I am happy.

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
The times in/after meditation. Pure. Fucking. Rapture. of. Wellbeing.

10. What makes you angry?
I don't like the word - angry. I don't ever get furious, nothing in the world is worth that much amount of negativity. I only get bothered by things. Things like ..., hmm, I cannot really specify what bothers me too. I let such things pass through me so quickly, I barely noticed their existence! Haha! =P

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
I will be 29 years old then. I would like to see myself fully enlightened and the world changed!

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
My sanity, my family. Simple.

13. What is being regarded as the most important thing in your life?
A thing called "not falling into mediocity and normality", in all aspects of my life.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Technically, both would cause problems. So I settle with either one with the conisderation that I would be happy with whatever choice made.

15. What is your favourite colour?
Black, white, grey.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Is this even a question?

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, and both of them do the same, who would you pick?
The one that emits the best vibe.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
We only have 1 life, why spend it on harbouring ill thoughts on human-based problems? In the first place, don't expect much from humans! =D I would forgive, but I doubt anyone could forget.

19. What do you want to tell the someone you like?
You, the general voyeur of people's lives, should not hear this. =P These lines are only reserved for the ears of the loved.

---------------

I tag Vika for this meme! =D

Resist, Ling, for the Filth!

2008-10-19T21:03:00.002+08:00

It really takes alot of willpower to resist clicking on (illegal) youtube links to new songs of Cradle of Filth, which will appear in their upcoming album - Godspeed on the Devil's Thunder, which will be released on 28th October. Even Rasul said it's rather worthy an album despite their disaster album - Thornography, which makes the temptation twofold harder to resist. No matter how hard it is or how tempting it is, I must not spoil the fun for myself when I acquire the actual CD in late October.

Also in conjunction with Godspeed..., the Glorious Filths are releasing their semi-autographic/historical book - Gospel of Filth too. Of which, I can't wait to lay my hands upon and savour (or devour? lol) the contents written by Dani and Gavin. Been waiting for 3 years to read that since they announced this project, which spans from black metal music history to occult to serial killers to fetishes to vampires. Gah, it is quite unbearable.

Can't wait.

Tokyo!

2008-10-17T23:29:00.005+08:00

Thus ended the first week of semester school term, it went by quite quickly to my amazement, I thought it'd be a drag. Ended really early today, so decided to go for another movie therapy again, watched Tokyo! at Cathay Picturehouse (my favourite movie therapy location).

Tokyo! is a sort of 3-in-1 omnibus short film compilation from renowned directors - Michel Gondry (Eteneral Sunshine of a Spotless Mind), Leos Carax and Bong Joon-Ho (The Host). Gondry's film - Interior Design deals with a lady with no concrete purpose in life in Tokyo gradually changing into a wooden chair (expect no normalcy from a director like Gondry, anyway, expect the other 2 films to be even weirder).

Leos Carax did a flim titled "Merde", a french word for "shit" about a red bearded creature who dwells in a gutters of Tokyo launching the general public into widespread terror and starting a cult following and seemingly defied the law when the authorities put him to death and the ending text merely went "Next destination - Mr. Merde in streets of NY". Very good adaptation of the modern idea of the terrorist. I especially liked the part where they interviewed the Tokyo citizens about the gutter creature - "In Siberia, a mother said the man is her long lost son Igor who is a gifted pianist who disappeared 17 years ago." HAHA. That was rolf-worthy! Insanely good short film. I hope someone have it on Youtube. =)

Last one was did by Bong Joon Ho who did The Host previously, his is named "Shaking Tokyo", about a Japanese city recluse opening up to the world and finding the strength to step out and re-integrate into the world again by love. I really liked how the director presented this film and tried to tell the viewers that this world, everyone is a recluse in a certain odd way and it is absoloutely essential to find a way to find joy and meaning in life again; to break free from one's little world grey world. Despite the fact that Leos Carax's Merde was insanely enjoyable, I got to say Bong's Shaking Tokyo is my favourite one of the three. No disrespect, Mr. Gondry!

I need to find a way to obtain the soft copies of these 3 short flims!

Excerpt from Merde, just loves how he exits from the sewers. So much style into it.

Last day.

2008-10-12T21:19:00.002+08:00

Driven the depressing prospect of returning back to the pit of numbing my senses tomorrow, I made this video, which I am very proud of, consist of the top 10 list of my favourite metal bands and snippets of songs of theirs. Now, I feel the immaterial badge of Metal Honour being burned into my skin even deeper! Hail! Haha!

It was a tough decision to place the bands in the order and choose a fitting song to represent it.

Laughter

2008-10-11T00:48:00.002+08:00

Went to watch The Coen Brothers' latest movie outing (final holiday movie therapy session) - Burn After Reading this afternoon, it was a vast disparity from their last Oscar-winning endeavour, No Country for Old Men. This movie (Burn) was a mad chaotic disaster that will incur unexpected laughter from the viewer. I especially liked the part where one of the Hardbodies staff who found the "sensitive shit" appear so oblivious to the brouhaha when the other staff were getting insane over the discovery of the "sensitive shit". "I didn't know! I found that in the floor of the gym! I didn't know!" HAHA. Flipping idiotically funny. Another part hit me hard on my geeky side, it was when the Russian embassy officer asked the maniacal woman who needed some surgical procedures how the CD would work, "Mac or PC?" HAHAHA! And, Chad (Brad Pitt) had the saddest death ever in his film history. That film was pretty awesome, it makes me want to check out earlier comedic films of the Coens. Which acutely reminds me of the half watched Fargo.

My laughter didn't end there for the day. I went to Ajahn Brahmn's dharma talk at Phor Kark See monastery after the movie and as usual, Venerable Ajahn Brahmn was as inspiring and amusing (in a respectful manner) as what I usually see in his youtube videos. He got this brilliant sense of Buddhism humour, when he was talking about how we can adapt to the finanical crisis, by driving a smaller car, and he always did what he preached - his vehicle is the Hinayana "Lesser Vehicle", HAHA. And, those deadpan middle aged audience didn't catch the joke at all. =\ Anyway, it was great to be able to see Venerable in person and hear him speak. Great experience to meet someone internationally known for his dharma talks.

Deckromancy

2008-10-08T11:01:00.002+08:00

Not wanting to let the holidays slip away without having made a single personal video, I went forth to Fort Canning Park to film this yesterday. Something queer happened though, as I was standing on top of one of the tomb slab on the ground, a sudden downpour of rain came upon me without warning and, what's more weird is that neither the cameraman, Jordan or my other friend, Ambrose got hit by the sudden onslaught of rain. The rain only stopped after I got off the tomb slab. =\ Apologies, the deceased below!

That day was a productive one which saw the filming of 3 videos consecutively, the one that you see above, one for Ambrose and one which is the card desecration video. =)

Anyway, in other matters, yeah, the holidays are sounding its death knells and swansongs... Reluctant to head back to that hole for more pretentious social meanderings as I have always been towards the institution called school, I only have to console myself I might learn something amusing at some point of the day, which I think could only derive from anatomy and physiology. Speaking of that subject, I hope we could still get to witness those lovely cadavers, lest my stay would be somewhat enjoyable. Nonetheless, the prospect of numbing my senses in that place is not at all inviting.

I got lost in my reverie, again.

Incredible.

2008-10-01T01:10:00.002+08:00

So, today, I went to undertake the White Tara Initiation and Empowerment ceremony conducted by the young Choeze Kuchen Rinpoche. As my post title suggests, it was an extremely incredible and immense experience, to be able to see the actual Rinpoche in front as he speaks behind the raised platform, to hear the scriptures to be read from the actual Tibetan books, to hear and witness the motions and sounds of the Vajra, Vajra Bell and the various other ritual items, not forgetting the greatness when Tara's Mantra was repeated in unison.

Now, I get why the Guru-Student connection is so greatly emphasised, it's something like a concert, you have to be there to feel its awe in full instead of half of what is presented in a, say, Youtube video. Haha!

Of a makeshit aviary and eugenics-yearnings

2008-09-26T23:34:00.003+08:00

So today, I was having a lazy afternoon nap on the living hall couch and enjoying the tranquil qualities of a nice afternoon (one that is not too hot, for once). Then my sister yelled the most blood-curdling and the most heinous sequences of screams ever, I tried to ignore her because I'd had thought it was one of her encounters with insects or bugs in the kitchen. Next, I heard her announcing the infiltration of two birds into the territory of our dwellings (the little balcony next to the kitchen to be exact), my attempts to feign ignorance had to cease as I jolted off the couch and out of the tranquil qualities I was immersing myself in the previous moment.

There I saw 2 creatures whose locomotion functions purely by the means of their twig-like bipedals and makes illogical deductions using their heads whose resemble the ones of our less intelligent forefathers - Homo Erectus. Not used to the sight of birds in my abode, I look upon their inflitration with slight fascination as they flutter around the service balcony and occasionally defecate upon the floor and *ahem* my family's undergarments.

Trust me, it isn't exactly nice to know your place has recently been converted into an aviary without any prior notice and that your undergarments have been their toilets. My inital fascination was swiftly transformed into a surge of unsurpressable agiation as me and my 2 siblings started hurling random vuglarities at those bowel-troubled creatures and tried to use our hands to do the "clapping loudly" gestures in a bid to intimiate them to their exit. Apparently that method wasn't too well recieved by those flying creatures as one of the duo continually flew towards a closed windowpane and subsequently mashing his/her/its yellow crown onto the hard glass, thus leading up to the thesis that they function based on illogical deductions as stated above. This situation also aptly reminded me of Jean-Paul Sartre's play - No Exit.

Me and my sister started encouraging my brother to do the "Man" thing by chasing the birds out of our dwelling. Inspired by our cheers, he sallied forth into the warzone and opened the windows wide open. Some comic relief of the encounter was when my brother said, "Heck! I am no Steve Irwin!" That made me lol-ed in real life.

Finally, those airbourne organisms figured their way out. And, I do not wish to describe the aftermath of their toilet-trip, for it saddens me to know that 2 lonesome birds could potentially cause some considerable destruction upon three humans' afternoon.

So much for some stupid birds.

Now, onwards to the second installment of this evening's entry. Eugenics-yearnings? Yes. I want to launch a program of eugenics. If there is an external history-maker for Planet Earth right now, I would register with great haste to be elected to be the next Hitler/Stalin/Kim Jung Ill and start the Vierte Reich and propose the Intellect-based-Holocaust. It's either the comments they make or the idea of bumping into people who make those insignificant comments without prior arrangment that causes me to cringe unceasingly. Spare me the agony of letting such content enter into my mindstream.

Your orchestrator of words,
Ling

The blaming begins.

2008-09-24T23:27:00.002+08:00

So, some impressionable kid from Finland has accomplished another schoolground shoot-out, killing 10 persons, yesterday and what's more attractive to the media is that the kid listens to Rammstein (of which, I share this similar auditory interest with) and Metallica. The blaming begins!

Maybe it's because of Metallica's new album name - Death Magnetic, haha! But wait, Rammstein was never about death nor misanthropy, if you want to be strict, only the song - Zestoren, could qualify as a potentially destructive song. In fact, Rammstein is so mild (some songs are even ballads, for fuck's sake), which points out to me that the killer is nothing but a 22 year old kid with nothing better to do.

So, what the heck is with the blaming?

Anyway...

In his manifesto-like videos, he expressed dismal opinions about the direction of humanity in today's world, which I could very easily share sympathies with, but it is the fact that he chosen to belt out the punishment on students that negated any hope of himself being a good visionary. What can he change by killing teenagers? He has no foresight therefore leading to my conclusion above that he is a 22 year old kid with nothing better to do.

Once again, I proclaim that we are dwelling in a toxic wasteland and it is making me feel very inhumane and very depressed.

The babies are dying.

2008-09-19T21:11:00.003+08:00

I am not one bit surprised when I am informed that the China-manufactured milk powder and other dairy products are contaminated with some malignant substance, in this case, melamine, which is an amine group (-NH2) and usually found in plastics, in case you are, like me, a proponent of the organic chemistry geekdom.

Melamine, with 3 NH2 groups.

Just wiki-ed melamine, it has 3 NH2 groups! No wonder the fatality it could incur in the infants.

Academia flowery aside, this just proved itself to me that doomsday is nearer than you think, which consoles me in a weird morbid manner. "The quicker, the better!" =D In addition, this also proved to me that the world is heading in the wrong direction with their current diet and ways of approaching things in life. Fancy adding this amine to seemingly make your product appear protein-rich? Folly tactic. Well, this is karma in your face, SanLu. You are fucked. =P

Why do I proclaim that the world's habits are getting ill? Everyone is merely looking for ways to increase their own benefits at the stake and risk of others, ranging from the individual level to the corporate level to the national level. Like my previous post about the Jonas Brothers, we have been consuming trash unceasingly, whether through entertainment quality or foodstuff-wise. What a senseless cycle. Gradually we don't know if we are consuming good healthy food or not. Just look at the latest McDonalds' advertisement tagline for their lunchtime offer - "A good meal doesn't need to cost much." McDonalds can never be good healthwise, my degenerates. There are countless examples everywhere, the list is non-exhaustive.

So what is my point of denouncing the world in such a dejected and otherworldly manner? This whole poison milk brouhaha is sufficient to point out we need a new diet, a diet that relies far less emphasis on heavy industrial treatment, a more natural diet. Even such a simple product like milk could get infected, what could be imagined for more complex ones? I would like to quote Albert Einstein here: "Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances of survival for life on earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet." There, Herr Einstein has put it for us in a very apt way.

Now that I have made my point, I shall fuck off to my pit.

It better not relapse again...

2008-09-17T00:19:00.002+08:00

What is it that I am talking about? I am talking about my throat which is getting abit sore since yesterday evening and I really hope my bad encounter with tonsillitis would not repeat itself again. That experience rendered me unable to eat for more than a week and I had to take a million different kinds of pills. Burr. Terrible. I need to salvage my throat, by drowning myself with water, whatever!

Anyway, health scares aside, here is a video of my little hobby which I will have no idea how to explain to my progenies because it is such a pointless hobby and they are going to give me the "Huh? You shuffled cards for 4 years?" look. Regardless of that! Here's it.

Esplanade from Ling Ng on Vimeo.

I know I suck at editing, plus my brother have always been advocating the idea that Sony Vegas is an inferior programme and that I should use Adobe Premier. >_<

And, I have been updating myself with various bands' activities, looks like 2008 is a fruitful year for many album releases are scheduled in 2008. Cradle of Filth, Pain, Satyricon, Rammstein, Immortal... Ling is going to be financially crippled.

Today saw the most pointless outing ever. I went out with a good friend - Valerie to Orchard. We had lunch at Lido, then went to Borders to browse books where I tried to read some stuff by Anias Nins and subsequently fell asleep (we sat down on the floor and read). Then we went to Esplanade because Valerie wanted to burrow some DVDs from the library. After she is done with the selection, we went to the comfortable sofas. The sofa was so comfortable and the air conditioning was so ideal that I went straight to sleep again, second time in the waking hours. O_O

So basically, I went out to have my afternoon nap. Brilliant stuff.

Time flies

2008-09-13T03:41:00.001+08:00

I could still remember scouting for this performance video high and low on the net before Youtube was even invented, back in 2003 or 2004. Watching this just transports me back to my secondary school days, such an incredible feeling it is.

By the way, just look at the gait Ville Valo performs, with the burned up cigarette in hand. Still impressive even by my standards today.

I cannot take it any more.

2008-09-11T22:53:00.003+08:00

I cannot bear it within myself any moment longer. Even with my minimal exposure (thank goodness, it lasted less than 30 minutes of wiki and youtube) with the Jonas Brothers have resulted in a violent surge of me yearning to cringe and say out out, "Oh my God, take that out of my sight!"

In case you are more kvlt than me, the Jonas Brothers consisted of 3 sexually-intimated (they also abstain from alcohol and stuff) homeschooled boys that sings nonsensical Disneyland songs that could be done without. I mean, one of the boys is only 15 years of age, of course, sex and drink are out of the picture. He isn't even of the legal age, for fuck's sake. What is this? A publicity shit? Oops, I got your tactic to attract pre-teen girls. >_> Go learn your algebra instead, you might have some chance of salvaging your mental capacity that way. This just reminds me of many secondary school people who think that getting an older friend to get drinks for them is something to boost about. And, those clubbing events that serves carbonated water. Get a life. Get a brain. >_>

And, homeschooled? Who in the right mind opts for that? That is a sure method to deny any chance of becoming socially apt and relevant, my poor boy. You are fucking yourselves up real bad.

And, I am not even going into the religion part...

What's more annoying is that their videos at Youtube has considerably same amount of viewerships or not more (28 million for 1 video!), than the true legend - Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson, my friend. How can 3 homeschooled testertone-surpressing boys who hasn't seen any form of reality be any musically proficient than Michael Jackson? Why?

Because people watch trash and listen to trash today and neglect their grey matter entirely. Those impressionable kids. So, in turn, they become trash themselves and the cycle repeats. We live in a toxic wasteland of stupidity and that is making me feel very inhumane and very depressed.

Изгнание [The Banishment]

2008-09-10T23:33:00.002+08:00

Went to watch an utterly depressing movie alone today, the movie is Andrey Zvyagintsev's second film called The Banishment or Изгнание in Russian alphabets, after his insanely good debut - The Return. Once again, Andrey presented a family theme for the film and added a dark twist. What striked me most in this film is sad truth that most tragedies didn't originate from actual conflicts or lies but mere miscommunication between parties. That is what the banishment referred to, the impossible man-made communication-errors that rendered the exile of persons. What made the movie even more sorrowful is the poignant manner of filming and the cinematography, every frame of the movie was picture-perfect and wallpaper-ready, making things look extremely realistic and vulnerable. Plus the apt use of music background (often omnious tunes) in the movie, one cannot fall into depression after watching it.

Anyway! Andrey is the director the cinemas of today need, I really hope to see more films from him. =D

And, I burrowed another book (Life is Elsewhere) by Milan Kundera, yay for another round of book-bound roller coaster ride!

Warlord

2008-09-08T21:05:00.001+08:00

Strangely entertaining. Even if it's damn weird, it will pull you to watch it till the end. It does make some sense about the state of the world today - "I will not eat the food that make me sick, I will not play the games that make me dumb." That is a very powerful statement to make indeed.

Great to see original minds creating things. Nifty!

Time for a senseless Meme.

2008-09-08T00:18:00.002+08:00

Yanked it from Valie, since I am in an entirely non-intellectual mood at the present moment, you will have to suffer reading 10 random (and useless, on your side) facts of yours truly. =D

I am currently very inspired and entertained by Russell Brand, whom I envisioned to be the next big comedy figure in the show business. He calls himself the "S&M Willy Wonka" and "sexy wildman", that is certainly sufficient reason.
I am listening to Falkenbach's Vanadis. *Glorious opus for my mortal ears*
I am in the middle of synthesising my own set of philosophical thoughts. It isn't easy, but it's definitely mentally satisfying. To let you have a picture of my system of thoughts, just think "Nieztsche + Schopenhauer + Buddha + Kant + Kundera + Descartes + The Flying Spagethii* I kid about the airbound pasta.
I have spent nearly 4 long years fiddling with paper rectangles as Kevin would describe, I wonder whether I should admit to this fact to my future progenies and allow them to chide my lack of life in my youth.
I have some serious thoughts about trying the Vegetarian diet, partially because from what I observed, apparently great people follow that diet. *Socrates, Volitare, Franz Kafka, Nieztsche, Russell Brand, Einstein, Thomas Edison, Natalie Portman, the list is endless*
I really enjoy spending time alone. The peace and empowerment you get from solitude are incredible. But that act comes concurrent with the risk of being ignoramously labelled as "loner".
I could hold my breathe for around 2 minutes and 30 seconds, I told you these facts are useless.
I have spent 6 years of my life (a huge portion, considering I have only lived for 19 years, making it 1/3 of my life) writing chinese calligraphy.
I need to get platform boots. >_<
I can't wait for my sister's upcoming debut EP record. Because I'd get it for free! I kid. But seriously, it will be bloody insane to walk into, say, HMV and see your sister's name on the *Bestseller* shelf. =P

Oh, great, just when I have free time to dwell within my own existence, Channel 5 stopped broadcasting Solitary. Great timing.

And, there is a Subway outlet at Compass Point. Immense convenience previously unthinkable, also the rate of getting broke from food rises up to a level previously unthinkable!

Done with free toiling and other things

2008-09-06T12:38:00.002+08:00

So, my month long stint at the hospitals is over. I am relieved, because I could resume my long on-hold misanthropic activities and dwell in my own existence and live by my own timezone. Most of all, I need not face the idiocy and façade of the general public. Wahey!

Other things include the procuring of a new laptop. Sad to say it is not a Mac product because of the fact that my Sony Mp3 Player functions on an entirely different basis which disallowed the means of "drag and drop", let alone say its compatibility with a Mac. >_> So, my new mechanical machine hails from Toshiba, complete with 4GB worth of ram with a Vista Home Premium. Not too bad a deal for it only costed slightly over a thousand. But this also meant I cannot abuse this spouse as liberally as I would on a Mac spouse, of which is highly resistant to domestic violence *viruses and crap*. Ah wells.

I am informed that Moltey Crue would be performing on Singapore soil on 16th October. I am slightly disappointed, because I was half expecting the organisers (Lamc Productions) to bring in something heavier and blacker. Apparently, they don't think in that manner. Le sigh. Nonetheless, I would be there on the day of the gig for a free listen to see what Moltey Crue is all about, since I heard from Vika that they are a real fun band to watch. =) I am still waiting for Cradle of Filth or Rammstein or Immortal or Opeth or Pain (if I am unrealistic) to arrive here. Such is a long and terrible wait. Meanwhile, I can settle for the arrival of Cradle of Filth's and Pain's new fugues and Cradle of Filth's book to satiate my innate auditory yearnings and feed my mind. *Halloween!*

I ran out of things to ramble.

Webcam + Brother = Kickass

2008-09-01T22:30:00.004+08:00

The below pictures are self-explanatory of the above statement.

What a mushy thing to say, but I really enjoy my brother's company. ^^

Peter Tagtgren is a mean music machine!

2008-08-26T20:23:00.004+08:00

Yes, Peter Tagtgren is a music generator. Just slightly 1 year after releasing Pain's previous album - Psalms of Extinction, he is back to release another one in the coming late October. This one is aptly titled as Cynic Paradise. Sounds good already, ain't it? I am blessed by being a fan of Pain, there seem to be endless servings of great music consistently over the years since the spawn of this awesome one-man band. Cynic Paradise is said to be released on Halloween, which also coincides with Cradle of Filth's Godspeed on the Devil's Thunder and Gospel of Filth. Looks like I am going to start on a money-saving scheme...

Halloween is a great day already. =P

Speaking of real tangible life, my area of free-toiling has switched to a far-flung location of National University Hospital. Nice. Not going to talk about my hours of free-toiling, because why? Nobody in the right mind likes to rant about happenings at work, or normality of living.

I look forward to watching "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" later in the week and going to listen to "Another Epic Story" at Baybeats on Friday! I survive on the subsistence of waiting (for daily free-toiling lunchbreaks and dismissals) and hoping to witness something interesting. Ling's life is boring contrary to many common belief that she leads one spending time headbanging and fiddling paper rectangles.

Macabre

2008-08-21T19:16:00.002+08:00

For the second week of my hospital stint, I am posted to the Accident and Emergency department (or more commonly known as ER by Western counterparts). There and then, I saw the true and the most crude form of impermanence. For all the days I have been working under that department, the room where they stored the bodies of those who failed resuscitation has been occupied. I have never been closer to death and never have I encountered death so frequently. People coming in with open-skin fractures, blood all over (I saw a bloodied pair of sneakers), people with half their ribs broken, people who simply lie there in their final hours. And, just outside the rooms, people are watching and rejoicing over various Olympic feats. Such a stark contrast of emotions. Such is the impermanence of humanity. Le sigh.

Amongst other things, no I don't have other things. I am just counting the days to my freedom after my hospital stint. It is excruciating to count the number of hours, let alone days, to lunchtime or knocking off, when the department is barren of patients. >_<

And, the Dune fever is back with the new novel - Paul of Dune! It's really quite amazing to see how epic Dune can get and sustain for almost 40 to 50 years. =) Can't wait to read the new novel.

I need to get back my life. The attachment is getting into my life abit too much. Argh.

Euphoria for Singapore!

2008-08-16T00:22:00.002+08:00

Why? Because my country's female table tennis team has successfully secured a place (at least a silver) in the 2008 Olympics Finals. That means it will be an end to the 48 year old medal-drought for Singapore! The last one was clinched by a weightlifter, it was a silver, in 1960 Rome Olympics. We have waited long enough and it's time to see the Singapore Flag being unfurled, hung up and raised up far and high for the global audience to behold. Fucking awesome. Hopefully, they would play the National Anthem for the second place. Then it will be doubly fucking awesome. Majulah Singapura! Onward Singapore!

I was watching the semi-finals today at work after lunch (with the year 3 people) when there was no patients. It was intense and there was not one trace of work in my mind at all. Haha.

Let's forget for this present moment that the table tennis team is a China-imported one. Be positive! =)

Ok, enough of cheesy patriotic stuff.

First week out of the four of hospital attachment is over, and my left vastus lateralis muscle of the quadriceps group of the anterior thigh muscles is aching rather badly due to the excessive standing at work. I literally had to stand throughout the whole 7 hours of work daily, that makes up to 35 hours of standing in the span of the weekdays, which also translates to 126 000 seconds. That's a whooping one thirdth amount of the total time in 5 days. That's quite impressive, haha.

You must be sick of reading lines full of arithmetics conjurations.

And, I am sick of typing things into this rectangular box with a scroller when I can go watch some entertaining videos on Youtube *Mighty Boosh*. Ta ta!

Fledging life as a radiographer.

2008-08-12T20:00:00.002+08:00

So I have completed 2 days of labour out of the 2 weeks at my assigned practical location of Changi General Hospital, taking into account that I have faced worse employers *Aviva Limited*, I, surprisingly found working in a hospital setting adequately pleasant. Partially because there is not time at all for you to fall into a state of self-reflecting ennui, you are always in the move because people are so prone to injuries nowadays. Haha.

I shall not go into the details that would bore you to tears. So far, 2 interesting things are noticed. One - Changi General Hospital deals with prisoners from Changi Prison, it is really miserable to see fellow humans having no privacy at all even while changing into the hospital grabs (I could see the policeman's shoes, you pervert). Also, my area deals with equally miserable young men serving National Slavery, getting spine injuries and all that jazz. Two - I saw a patient with the exact same name as my brother, I fucking freaked out. For a fleeting moment, I went, "OMFG, he had a foot injury!", then I looked into the details. Different address. Phew! =)

Amongst other things, I have started to do real X-rays exposures on patients! Hands, wrists, elbows, thumbs, even knees and the abdomen! Pretty nifty.

Now, I am fucking tiring. Fucking stood 7 plus hours a day for 2 days straight, and more of that to come.

Your potential radiographer,

Ling.

Olympian spirit

2008-08-09T01:33:00.003+08:00

I am somewhat inspired by the Beijing Olympics 2008 Opening Ceremony, no, I am not forgetting about the Tibet issue. And, no, I am not impressed their barrage of fireworks or massive parade of dancers and performers. Or how finely executed and planned is the whole ceremony is. Any rich nation can pull that off within months.

I mean, just look at the spectacle when the sportsmen from all the countries in the entire world congregated in one place, standing in close proximity, waving and smiling at the crowd, as if forgetting the woes of the 21st century Earth is facing and the past (and ongoing) human-created troubles. Then the commentary went, "Look at the all athletes standing there! That's how the world should be like!" That's a very very very immensely powerful statement to make, and an extremely optimistic one, too.

It made me warm and fuzzy for the rest of the evening while I watched on. Just as my thoughts went bleak about humanity earlier in the day when I contemplated upon mankind after reading some philosophy. Of course, it is much easier to declare that statement than to actually envision the physical change occurring. But, I really sincerely hope that countries would cherish such a time amidst this chaotic situation to take a break from money-earning, winning-prestige, feeding-one's(and the country's)-insatiable-ego and let the experience in the games be a timely and slightly overdue precursor to a global reflection of her own predicament. Time to reset your priorities, my friends!

Is it really worth it to let people die for the sake of oil or other resources?

Is it really worth it to restrict the other generations of the chance of viewing nature in its full glory for your industrial plans to jack up your annual GDP?

Is it really worth it to attack other cultures so as to let yours appear almighty?

Is it really worth it to commit grave violence in the name of a divinity that you merely read in a book?

Is it really important to appear powerful?

What is really extremely important is to know that we are all humans on this planet for a time together, and let's just have a good time together. Shall we?

Yours with hope,

Ling

Lamc Productions brings a hopeful update.

2008-08-05T23:29:00.003+08:00

Nonchalantly, I went to LamcProductions.com to see if they have any updates, this time, yes they have one!

It reads:

" STAY TUNED FOR A MAJOR CONCERT ANNOUCEMENT. - Updated 4th August."

*fingers crossed!*

So, what the Inokii guy said is true. =)

Haha!

2008-07-28T18:40:00.003+08:00

Found this somewhere on the net.

That's bloody awesome geek humor. =D

Count Filth updates us!

2008-07-21T20:28:00.003+08:00

Count "Backwerdz" Dani Filth Himself, glaring out from his looking-glasses, in Babylon AD.

So, Count Dani Filth has generously brought some filthy updates from their haunted dungeon-studio upon their latest auditory (mis)deed. The album title is thus named "Godspeed On The Devil's Thunder", as comical as it sounds (oh, wait, the Filth has always been darkly comical), I still trust their word that the album would sound like their songs from their glorious ages (Dusk... right up to Midian).

Count Filth also mentioned in his latest edict the album's regal tracklist, it reads as belows;

01. In Grandeur And Frankincense Devilment Stirs
02. Shat Out Of Hell
03. The Death Of Love
04. The 13th Caesar
05. Tiffauges
06. Tragic Kingdom
07. Sweetest Maleficia
08. Honey And Sulphur
09. Midnight Shadows Crawl To Darken Counsel With Life
10. Darkness Incarnate
11. Ten Leagues Beneath Contempt
12. Godspeed On The Devil's Thunder
13. Corpseflower

I myself is intrigued about how "Sweetest Maleficia", "Midnight Shadows Crawl to Darken Counsel With Life", and the titletrack would sound like. *fingers crossed and fractured, and all ears peeled for the release of the opus* They better come up with something massively devilishly romantic which would be able to elicit strong emotions and even tears upon auditory bombardment.

Keep filthy!

Dead Man Squawking.

Of an inspirational picture and a few other trivialities

2008-07-20T01:23:00.003+08:00

Found this picture at DeviantArt under this user's gallery. I like it alot because it encapsulates the essence of mindfulness of Buddhism so well, the stillness and the sharpness of the monk's image amidst the blurred and chaotic background while the monk walked on. Awe-inspiring to remind us that we should keep our composure and mental sharpness even in the quick-paced and stressful world of today, or regardless of our situations. In short: Never lose it. It is almost like the pictoral representation of walking meditation. Two words - freaking awesome. =D

Trivialities?

I drank barium today. It tasted like chalk water.

I am still amused and entertained by Milan Kundera. =)

I am experiencing both ennui and a simple jhana at the same time. O_o I am an eternal paradox, don't bother deciphering me. I have yet to accomplish that myself. =)

My passion in Starbucks frappocino is declining... which is good!

Damn straight, The Other Ling!

2008-07-10T21:54:00.004+08:00

So it's made public information now about her upcoming album. ^_^ Stomp.sg apparently interviewed her somehow despite her near-in-existence upon the face of the Earth besides dwelling in a dungeon studio, leading an acestic life. HAHA. As Dani Filth once commented in an interview, upon the topic of a dungeon-studio lifestyle: "No rest for the wicked!" That quote is apt here. =)

Her and her Maestro wooden-spouse (whose cacophonies are best sounded upon her sovereign caress only) at Esplanade's Concourse, I think.

Good riddance! I posted a video of her live performance of her enormous hit - Larkin Step, at Esplanade, in my channel yesterday.

Spamming time!

I just hope for a nice evening where me and her could discuss about Camus, Sartre and Life in General (which is equivalent to a popular activity of today's teens called whining, XD) together. But really, we have so much to talk about... Just imagine 2 passionate existentialists drowning in melancholy together, in the same house! That's instant kill. I guess I am blessed with such a sister around, given the horrible fact that most people out there are either apathetic (the most sad strata of the population, because they never ever think in their entire lifetime) or too stupid. =)

Of an old (still on-going) obsession.

2008-07-09T20:47:00.003+08:00

I was updating myself as usual on the happenings in the metal music realm by Roadrunnerrecords' Blabbermouth feed. Looks like Slipknot's 4th studio release would be out soon, it is entitled "All Hope is Gone". Before you launch yourself into a cyber attack on me and think that all hope is indeed gone within me by another Slipknot's ardent fan, I would like to say that it is really incredible for me to track back to the origins of my passion in this music genre. I remember starting to express an interest in this terrifying music genre when I was in secondary 1, that makes it 13 years old of me. So, it'd be 6 years plus of the heavy airwave bombardment for me and still counting.

I still remember the feeling of hunting down shops that store Slipknot's album - Iowa. I searched around 5 to 6 CD stores and finally got it at Bishan's Junction 8, haha. Metal CDs are hard to find back then. When Youtube hadn't existed back then, YahooLaunchMusicVideos was heaven for me, to witness live performance videos of bands, and try to imagine what is it like to attend a real performance. The loading speed was incredibly slow, so I had alot of patience for the videos. When Slipknot came to Singapore's shores in August 2005, I was one starved maggot (term for Slipknot's fans) and all I could remember was that it was the best night of my life. During the show at Fort Canning, I was trying to breathe in very morsel of Slipknot's presence. Yes, my devotion is that much. I got invited to Mayhem's post-concert BBQ party by To Megatherion's Arifeen, and subsequently went sky-high hours before the meetup. That was the second best night of my life.

From Slipknot, I expanded my obsession over to Cradle of Filth and the rest which automatically fell into place.

I faced and overrode parental disapprovals time and time again, I became financially disabled numerous times due to my penchant to collect their CDs/DVDs, I faced unusual reactions when I mentioned I listen to Metal to people (especially my JC peers), and I achieved many auditory pleasures. All is worth it, every second of that 6 years till this day.

Ah, what a passionate entry.

Geeky things.

2008-07-08T22:12:00.002+08:00

Vika recommended me a website that has nifty comics and images uploaded me everyday, and most of them are amusing in a geeky sort of way, which made everything double its niftyness, if there is such a word.

Speaking of geeky things, I have been using a Macbook (courtesy from my sister whose old laptop was found lying around) with such wild unrestrained abandon, that I think I am the case study of a perfect Windows Dissent who would think twice before setting my fingers to another keyboard connected to a Windows OS-operated machine. Yay! I am a Steven Jobs hippe! *dances, well, erm, not really dance, I am hopeless for that activity*

Of a trivial heated dialogue and cadaverous winds.

2008-07-03T19:01:00.002+08:00

Last night, I was talking to an online friend of mine from Sweden about schooling and what path to take. I told him my current situation after my GSE A Levels and that I couldn't enter into the local universities and thus denied the chance to study Philosophy which I mentioned earlier to be my dream. He suggested me to quit whatever I am doing now and retake my GSEs in order to fulfill my dream and he added that since I like philosophy and a proponent of Nietzsche, I should live up to my ideals and pursue to it no matter what it takes. We argued for awhile, and I pressed on to how one should be practical, realistic and adaptable to its given circumstance (he referred this to being a puppet of the tradition and parents). Then he gave me the reply that very much bothered me. He said something like, "Nietzsche lived in a fucking cabin, rejected by his peers! Now, if you said you like Nietzsche [and refused to go ahead and pursue my ideals], then expect nobody to take you [which is me] seriously. Just like a Jew supporting Hitler."

I never ever uttered a hint of myself wanting to become Nietzsche.

I shall not ramble too much, I shall just quote a short anecdote that I think could help alleviate this emotional unrest of not being able to enter university. It's by an English monk, Ajahn Brahm and it is entitled "Poor me, lucky them".

"Life as a very junior monk in Thailand seemed so unfair. The senior monks received the best food, sat on the softest cushions and never had to push wheelbarrows. Whereas my one meal of the day was disgusting; I had to sit for long hours in ceremonies on the hard concrete floor (which was lumpy as well, because the villagers were hopeless at laying concrete); and sometimes I had to labour very hard. Poor me, lucky them.

I spent long, unpleasant hours justifying my complaints to myself. The senior monks were probably so enlightened that delicious food would be wasted on them, therefore I should get the best food. The senior monks had been sitting cross-legged on hard floors for years and were used to it, therefore I should get the soft cushions. Moreover, the senior monks were all fat anyway, from eating the best food, so had ""natural upholstery" to their butts. The senior monks just told us junior monks to do the work, and never labouring themselves, so how could they appreciate how hot and tiring pushing wheelbarrows was? The projects were all their ideas anyway, so they should do the work! Poor me, lucky them.

When I became a senior monk, then I ate the best food, sat on a soft cushion and did little physical work. However, I caught myself envying the junior monks. They didn't have to give all the public talks, didn't listen to people's problems all day, and didn't spend hours on administration. They had no responsibilities and so much time for themselves. I heard myself saying, "Poor me, lucky them!"

I soon figured out what was going on. Junior monks have "junior monk sufferings". Senior monks have "senior monks sufferings". When I became a senior monk, I was just exchanging one form of suffering for another form of suffering.

It is precisely the same for single people who envy those who are married, and for married people who envy those who are single. As we all know by now, when we get married, we are only exchanging "single person suffering" for "married person's suffering". Then when we get divorced, we are only exchanging "married person's suffering" for "single person's suffering". Poor me, lucky them.

[sniped for brevity.]

To think that you will be happy by becoming something else is delusion. Becoming something else just exchanges one form of suffering for another form of suffering. But when you are content with who you are now, junior or senior, married or single, then you are free of suffering.

Lucky me, poor them!"

=)

-------------------------------------------------

So what about the cadaverous winds? I had my anatomy practical session today and it's finally the turn to see real, dissected human parts. Well, first off, there's a weird smell to it, just think of the smell you encounter in the wet market, twice of it. I would like to announce that human flesh looks like the one of a duck, stringy and it does not look very tender or juicy, if you ever had any thoughts of consuming human flesh *gets reminded of Der Metzgermeister*, haha! It does feels surreal to know the pieces of meat and bones once belonged to a living human being like yourself, but that feeling quickly subsided when you are required to label the muscle and to identify the various bones and features.

We aren't allowed to stay in that room for too long so there weren't a chance to take photographs of the body parts. That was a pity. Otherwise, there's a human head with its base of the skull cut off with its eyes open, sliced brain and half a scrotum.

Now, I'd be reminded of that human flesh scent whenever meat is placed on my plate. Looks like I am unable to eat meat without difficulty anytime soon. Haha!

Geez, this entry is shit long.

Amusement from 2 polarities.

2008-06-29T01:22:00.002+08:00

Amusement #1 from the positive polarity:

I burrowed a book written by Czechoslovakian author called Milan Kundera, called Immortality, since I saw my sister had read stuff of his and I trust her taste in expanding my circle of reading. I did not regret it and the very first chapter of it got me hooked already. It reminded me acutely of Chuck Palahniuk's postmodernist style. Without me rambling, here's a paragraph that made me laughed.

"As a little girl, Agnes used to go for walks with her father and once she asked him whether he believed in God. Father answered: "I believe in the Creator's computer." This answer was so peculiar that the child remembered it. The word computer was peculiar, and so was the word Creator, for Father would never say God but always Creator as if he wanted to limit God's significance to his engineering activity. The Creator's computer: but how could a person communicate with a computer? So she asked her father whether he ever prayed. He said: "That would be like praying to Edison when a lightbulb burns out."

HAHAHA! Brilliant writing. I have found a new favorite writer. ^_^

Amusement # 2 from the negative polarity:

Now I have to use a complete different mindset to approach this second section of the entry. *gets serious*

Okay, so I was on my usual Saturday night stroll with a good friend along Esplanade Park/Merlion region/Esplanade Bays, with a light conversation going on about (my poor) musical ability. I was craving for my weekly fix of Starbucks frapp, so we were walking down towards the outlet underneath the bridge near the Merlion structure. Intrigued why is there such a huge crowd at that area there (it's usually empty there), we walked on, then saw a group of policemen there with some equipments on the floor. I initially thought it might be some silly metalhead/punk fight or something juvenile, since it was the common meeting ground for them. Then I saw a gang of civil defense officers pulling something out of the river via a thick cord. I know what happened.

Someone drowned.

I got my frapp (it was a Grande! ^_^) despite the commotion and found myself trapped by the (efficiently-placed) "Police" boundary tape, sat down and watched on to the corpse-fishing commotion. Knowing inside me that that poor fellow had little chance of coming out alive, I recited some mantras (Om Mani Padme Hum, if you are wondering) for him/her and hoped it will help the situation for the soul somehow.

After a few minutes, the body is out and placed on the orange canvas stretcher thingy and the paramedics did something to the body which I am unsure of. I could clearly see the midsection of the corpse. He wasn't wearing a shirt and only donned a sports shorts. Pale in complexion and clearly not breathing, the whole atmosphere of the place dimmed down, with typical Singaporeans looking on with intrigue yet a sense of fear on their equally typical faces. LOL. My friend, being the curious one, went to the other side of the area condoned off, he later reported that the corpse was foaming at the mouth. I am to fully confirm that that body is a corpse now.

I finished my frapp and the commotion was cleared, with a puddle of river water on the pavement - a dark reminiscent of the watery grave that the victim ended his last minutes writhing in a plea for a quicker end to his life or questioning why his life had to end so abruptly, at such a dodgy location? I have no answers for that question.

It created a very macabre afterthought in me that reminded me after I left the area. Prior to reaching to the Starbucks outlet, I heard the sirens of an ambulance and I told my friend, "Oh! Someone's dying!", in a joking manner. It was a thing/one-liner I ganked from Kevin, anyway. Now I think back and say, "Damn, that's eerie." *shivers*

Photoshoot

2008-06-25T20:43:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I went out with Ren Hui to the National Stadium to have a little card-flourishing photoshoot endeavour. To walk around the grand stand and chill around is really a pleasant thing to do, if you have some spare time to spare. Haha! The place is so quiet that you can hear the fallen leaves rustle away on the worn concrete ground and seats. It is amazingly well-kept though, considering the government is intending to demolish it soon. Which points me to the usual annoyance at them because it is seriously a waste to remove such a historically important infrastructure and plus, I wonder will they have enough time to build the new one in time for the 2010 Youth Olympic Games. Haha, quite screwed, yes. Then again, *shrugs*, not my problemo. ^_^

Enough of talking crap, I show you the better-taken photographs now. =)
Oh my god, I love Ren Hui's camera (Nikon D300) and her photographing skillz. Everything looks so crisp and rich even without editting. Now I know the difference of a good camera that cost you thousands and a normal digital camera that is being thrown to you at every lucky draw. Haha!

Melancholy

2008-06-20T10:41:00.002+08:00

I attended one of my cousin's wedding dinner last night, it was a nice event and some decent hotel food. As much as I was reveling in the food and social conversations (not really reveling in this case) that night, I was also getting slightly depressed with each passing minute. Why?

I have been partner-less... for years and years.

Not to make myself sound like a love-deprived person, I will not go into a series of "why?"s and whines. My parents always said it is not wrong not to have a partner and have a subsequent marriage. I don't know about that, all I know is being such a typical Capricorn that I am, waiting is my virtue. And, I am willing to wait for the arrival of a regal, fully qualified contender. =) Just be optimistic that such a soul-mate confidante and emotional doppelganger exist within your vicinity. *Ling waits, like she has waited before*

On a lighter note, yesterday also marked the 1 year anniversary of a card flourishing video that I was part of - Nights Out. Time flies... I swear it only feels like a recent endeavor of mine.

I wonder til what age would I be doing card flourishing.... I sure can't fathom myself doing it in my 30s. =/ Lol.

Return

2008-06-16T23:58:00.002+08:00

After around three to six months of hiatus of meditation after my GCE A Levels, I decided I should try doing it again last night due to some unknown spurt of energy in me. And, it turned out a great session! Well, I did it with my earpieces attached, listening to some good old Kitaro, which was my staple meditation music all these while. After I settled myself and my mind down to a decent level, I did the death contemplation meditation exercise since I felt I wanted to experience a state of shunyata once again. All went smooth, when I reached the visualisation stage where there is no more flesh on the body, I could really feel as though I am just a pack of skeleton resting there. You can imagine the sensation where I progressed into the final stages of visualisation where the skeleton is cremated and dispersed into air. Haha!

It was after the second exercise where I visualised the Tibetan Buddhism Refuge Tree that I experienced a much familiar sense of bliss. I was just sitting there, with my mind supple and refreshed, as though I just treated it to a grey-matter-feast, if I can put it that way. LOL. My body doesn't ache one bit, even my troublesome knees and ankles (I did it full lotus, baby! :P) aren't posing any slight hint of discomfort even after in that position for over 40 minutes. My heart was smiling, and my psyche in its peak condition. Even after getting out of that sitting position, my mind still tells me to remain in a relaxed, alert condition, as I rested my back upon my bed headboard and basked in utter tranquility for a few more minutes. Falling into my slumber laterwards was a great closer for that evening.

I guess I am falling in love with samadhi once again!

And, the religion quiz...

2008-06-15T01:33:00.002+08:00

Took this at the same site, once again, pretty much accurate. =)

1.	Theravada Buddhism (100%) See selected books about Theravada Buddhism. Click here for info
2.	Unitarian Universalism (99%) See selected books about Unitarian Universalism. Click here for info
3.	Hinduism (92%) See selected books about Hinduism. Click here for info
4.	Mahayana Buddhism (89%) See selected books about Mahayana Buddhism. Click here for info
5.	Liberal Quakers (78%) See selected books about Liberal Quakers. Click here for info
6.	Taoism (73%) See selected books about Taoism. Click here for info
7.	Jainism (72%) See selected books about Jainism. Click here for info
8.	Neo-Pagan (63%) See selected books about Neo-Pagan. Click here for info
9.	Mainline - Liberal Christian Protestants (60%) See selected books about Mainline - Liberal Christian Protestants. Click here for info
10.	Secular Humanism (54%) See selected books about Secular Humanism. Click here for info
11.	Non-theist (51%) See selected books about Non-theist. Click here for info
12.	Sikhism (51%) See selected books about Sikhism. Click here for info
13.	New Age (41%) See selected books about New Age. Click here for info
14.	Orthodox Quaker (41%) See selected books about Orthodox Quaker. Click here for info
15.	Seventh Day Adventist (39%) See selected books about Seventh Day Adventist. Click here for info
16.	Reform Judaism (38%) See selected books about Reform Judaism. Click here for info
17.	Scientology (37%) See selected books about Scientology. Click here for info
18.	New Thought (34%) See selected books about New Thought. Click here for info
19.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (28%) See selected books about Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist). Click here for info
20.	Orthodox Judaism (27%) See selected books about Orthodox Judaism. Click here for info
21.	Bahai (23%) See selected books about Bahai. Click here for info
22.	Mainline - Conservative Christian Protestant (20%) See selected books about Mainline - Conservative Christian Protestant. Click here for info
23.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (16%) See selected books about Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons). Click here for info
24.	Eastern Orthodox (13%) See selected books about Eastern Orthodox. Click here for info
25.	Islam (13%) See selected books about Islam. Click here for info
26.	Roman Catholic (13%) See selected books about Roman Catholic. Click here for info
27.	Jehovah's Witness (6%) See selected books about Jehovah's Witness. Click here for info

Damn straight, Nietzsche!

2008-06-15T01:08:00.002+08:00

Took a philosophy quiz @ http://selectsmart.com/PHILOSOPHY/, here's my results.

Nietzsche (100%) Information link

Jean-Paul Sartre (97%) Information link

David Hume (71%) Information link

Spinoza (70%) Information link

Stoics (65%) Information link

Thomas Hobbes (56%) Information link

Kant (54%) Information link

Aquinas (47%) Information link

St. Augustine (46%) Information link

Plato (43%) Information link

Jeremy Bentham (42%) Information link

Cynics (40%) Information link

Nel Noddings (39%) Information link

Ayn Rand (35%) Information link

Epicureans (31%) Information link

Aristotle (30%) Information link

Prescriptivism (28%) Information link

John Stuart Mill (26%) Information link

Ockham (26%) Information link

Then, me and Nick fooled with the possibility of me being Nietzsche's reincarnate. And I will probably die insane. HAHA.

That quiz is pretty accurate, unlike most other online crap you see. =) Try it!

News from Count Dani. =)

2008-06-14T21:57:00.004+08:00

Apart from the fact that my nasal faculties are giving me troubles since last night, I am quite comforted by the fact that Dani Filth revealed that the new Cradle of Filth album would be a concept album - based on the occult debaucheries of the 15th century French noble, Gille de Rais, who presented children as sacrament to his imaginary deity called "Barron". Such a detail would elevate me to much liking and fevour towards the new album already. It sounds so very delicious. And, to appease the Filthian creature within me even further, Paul Allender said that the new album would sound like a mix between Midian (my favourite record of theirs thus far) and Dusk and Her Embrace.

Such news just made up to my lonesome Saturday evening spent in a drowsy stupor due to the influence of synthetic cough-suppressing chemicals in my system. If The Filthians could achieve what was done in Midian, I would fall utterly in unconditional love towards the band once again. I sorely hope they will not disappoint. Just come up with another "Queen of Winter, Throned"-esque epic opus, Dani. And, those Filth legions will flood back into your scantum once more, to the point of it being pleasantly unbearable. HAHA. I am on a writing roll, aren't I? ^_^
Furthermore, Dani once again reassured the hordes that their semi-autobiography/full-fledged occult-and-everything-twisted history book - Gospel of Filth, is in its finishing stages, like what he said back in 2005. HAHA. He said that they are trying to set it for a Halloween 2008 release, alongside with the abovementioned upcoming album. *looks forward*

One more Filth-related thing to ramble on, I am still waiting for them to get their royal British arses to the bloodied and haunted shores of Singapore... Like what I am for many other bands, like Sweden's Pain and Germany's Rammstein. Such a long fruitless vigil it is, for a single ardent foolish (?) fan to devote time and effort... However, for the joy and auditory pleasures they unceasingly bestowed upon me and many fortunate others, I am willing to partake in this solitary obsession wholesomely.

It is really amazing to see how much a band could influence your life. Cradle of Filth changes the way how I look at music and lyrics. The entire Milton-styled, mythology-tinted poetic coherency of the lyrics simply took every ounce of air out of my lungs. It is actually very possible to cry at the end of a song when you really focus on the music and follow the lyrics together. It's just so massively epic. Dani Filth has a Masters degree (two of those, actually) in English literature for a reason, my fiends. Music becomes an experience rather than sensory entertainment, in this context. One other great thing I adore about such elaborate lyric-writing is that they could serve as an educational resource too, I learnt much vocabulary from them and slices of mythology, too. What. A. Wondrous. Thing.

On a sidenote, hell shit, I realise I write better under a stupor! Haha.

On another sidenote, I still find it hard to believe that my secondary 2 history teacher, Mr. Neo introduced me to Pain whose songs deal with drugs, alcohol, death, rejection and basically everthing negative. Mr. Neo must have alot of faith in me in my evaluating abilities and that I am not the usual emo/goth/pseudo-metal drifter you see on the streets on the weekends. Haha.

Oh, the stupor is acting up again and I am finding myself to fall back into yet another round of mental reverie... Later.

2008-06-13T00:39:00.002+08:00

Created by OnePlusYou

I am disappointed. PG 13 only?!

I know my volatile mind could easily qualify for a "Restricted", just come in and take a look. I invite you. ^^

=)

2008-06-09T21:10:00.006+08:00

It's the end of the first half of the school term, and it's holidays again now. I woke up feeling great after a very satisfying 9-10 hours of sleep, had my Ceylon tea and flipped to Channel 5 to my favourite daytime show - The Ellen DeGeneres show. Yay! So long since I am able to watch that, ever since I started my tutelage at a polytechnic. It's a gentle contented feeling, haha!

Then I went out for a solo movie outing at Cathay's Picturehouse, to watch Paul Verhoeven's BlackBook. It's quite awhile since I went for a movie at the theaters, with me being excessively picky in watching films in cinemas. Erm, let me recall when was the last time I watched in a theater, hmm it's either There Will Be Blood or Persepolis in February, heh. BlackBook is a pretty decent film, it follows a typical Nazi Germany Jew-dissents' Resistance plot basically. With my prior viewings of films like Sophie Scholl, this film was rather predictable, but still, it does stand out from the normal blockbuster Hollywood stuff, with a good story development and all. =)

I am still waiting for Forgetting Sarah Marshall to open here, bloody hell, why must they have to wait for months for it to reach here? I have been waiting to see Russell Brand on the big screen so badly... Gah. And, to add on to the annoyance, the DVD rental shop downstairs couldn't be any slower, both the DVDs for No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood have been released, and both aren't brought in to that shop yet. >_>

Anyway, anyhow, it feels great to resume my slacking schedule like the one after my As, although I need to study for the Radiation Physics ICA. And, most of all, no shitty Life Sciences lectures in a cramped LT (I spent most of the time there thinking other stuff anyway) and night Physics lectures from Soma!

Going swimming with my brother tomorrow morning! And, a movie outing with Kevin too! Sounds great! =D

On a an unrelated note, it seems that fooble doesn't like me. It obliterated my chatterbox. Need to revive it... soon. *procrastinate* In the meantime, you can leave a word at the comments box below each blog entry. =) Otherwise, this place is going to look so barren and desolate.

I have been thinking quite abit recently, due to reading a book on the summaries of the classic philosophy works. The concept of morality interests me suddenly. I was never too concerned about that previously. I read that Immanuel Kant proposed the idea that an action would be deemed as moral if the intention behind the action is a positive one, regardless of the consequences it will incur. On the other hand, John Stuart Mill said it's the consequences that dictate the morality of that action. I got to say my stance leans towards Kant's on this issue. It surprised me by the fact that I used to be rather close-minded (yes, I am confessing my foible) in slamming Kant down by the fact that he's Right Winged, he does have some good points essentially. Maybe just not provoking enough. Lol. Either way, I still dislike his a priori argument, anytime, anywhere. =D Nobody in the right frame of mind will accept any a priori deduction.

I am also getting interested in The World as Will by Arthur Schopenhauer, partially because his thoughts are inspired by Eastern philosophy especially Buddhism, I am really curious to see how a Western in the 1700s/1800s would view and interpret Buddhism. Heh.

Enough ramblings.

Childhood memories

2008-06-03T18:47:00.001+08:00

I recalled this as my favourite song in my childhood. The whimsical nature of it and the entire coherency and dialogue-like of the lyrics and rhymne amazed me totally.

And, I think this is the reason why I have a liking for crooked individuals. Haha!

The Kransky Sisters

2008-06-01T19:25:00.004+08:00

Just got back from Esplanade, watched a comedy/music show performed The Kransky Sisters called Heard It On The Wireless.

"We are the Kransky Sisters, from Esk Queensland, Australia. That is Eve, on the left, and Mourne in the centre and the half sister - Dawn in the background."

Just look at how awesome they look. With generous amount of droll/deadpan humour, absolutely bizzare country tales to share, even weirder rendition of songs performed using a saw with a voilin's bow, old casio keyboard, toilet cleaner, spoons, pots, toy recorder. It's a sweet combination of strangness and delight. I especially liked it when Mourne and Eve insulted Dawn repeatedly for many insignificant domestic transgressions she committed - like making crop circles in the garden using a rolling pin when asked to mow the lawn, and Dawn merely looked ahead, and kept silent with a weird grimace in her face. Haha! One especially memorable tale goes by when Eve told Mourne that their neighbour was looking for their lost pet pig and asked Mourne had seen it while she was out in the garden. Mourne said no, she hasn't. Then Eve aptly reminded her that she was pouring cement to make a road with their neighbour's pig was around. Then, Mourne merely responded by her signature grimaced face. It's just so macabre, that it's bizzarely entertaining and appealling.

Oh, Mourne said in the end of the show that Singapore is such a nice place and has such nice food that you eat with those knitting needles. HAHA. She also commented that she liked the carrot cake with no carrot in it. Haha!

The Kransky Sisters performing Psycho Killer:

And Sweet Dreams:

It's such a rare occasion here to see comedy groups coming here to perform, I grabbed this chance to witness it live, and sure enough, I have no regrets!

If you have a chance to catch them live, go grab it! =D You will be immensely entertained.

Are you kidding me?

2008-05-29T20:01:00.004+08:00

Because my X-ray film was the 666th image in the school's archive system. Some kind of a sick omen that I'm doomed to that place? Lol.

The teacher asked me when I wanted to save the image to my thumbdrive, "Do you want to change file name?"
I went, "Nope, that's alright." Hehe!

Anyway, here is the thing I did today, oblique and Posterior-Angle of the Palma region. =)
This looks so much better than that manually processed one I did weeks back.

And... everyone is getting pissed at how intricate anatomy is getting. Am I the only one enjoying every bit of it? Because I get the Hannibal Lecter kicks out of it. ^_^

I give you a small taste of anatomy! =D
And that is only the stupid forearm's muscles. *smiles*

Reminiscence

2008-05-28T15:53:00.004+08:00

I really miss my slacking days when I could wake up to Ellen DeGeneres on TV and a nice cup of English tea when the house is quiet.

I just love how Ellen would spontaneously break into a dance. =D

Breather

2008-05-25T01:29:00.003+08:00

I am getting incessantly annoyed at how noisy, crowded, unnerving weekends hotspots *malls, MRTs, town areas* can get. The baby cries in the restaurant you dine in, when you are trying in vain to find some balance in yourself, when you can be yourself and let loose. That same stupid song is playing again in the shop, way too loudly, you can only be heard if you speak at the top of your voice. People around talking too loudly, you have to strain your voice again, and again. The phone rings when you're captivated in reading your novel/closing your eyes for a few minutes of peace in the train carriage, your nerves gyrate upon your temples, you unwillingly picks it up, saying into the receiver, "Hey, what's up?" in a pseudo-enthusiastic way. You only wanted to get back to that interesting book or that sense of peace within as soon as possible. You have no idea why the heck are you going to Orchard again this Saturday, just to feel the weekend vibes maybe, just to feel the squeeze in the trains, just to queue for fast-junk-food, just to walk around malls looking at shelves with the exact same things for countless number of times, just to patronise Starbucks just one more time in the week, just to watch some flick on the theatres because it says, "Opening This Week". Then you worry about the last train and your credit card or wallet. That is the idea of a weekend for a modern typical Homo Sapien.

Sad isn't it? Ironically, one has to oblige with such arrangements to remain functionable in the society. What a stupid world, seriously.

I am very tempted to go to a beach or to nature reserve soon. Next weekend, shall make it a point.

No more wishful thinking.

2008-05-25T00:13:00.003+08:00

Well, I got all the replies from the 3 universities. Tough luck for me, not a hint of optimism from any of the 3. I kind of expected this already, knowing the level of *senseless* competition in the field and my set of grades. However, it still brought me some bitterness. Being smooth-sailing all the while in my academic path, the feeling of being phased out at this final junction doesn't feel good. My sister pointed out to me that it is my pride that is my foible. I kind of agreed to that recently. Knowing that, I willed myself not to dwell too much into this piece of news and get my emotions out of the way, and do what I have to do at my current location - a polytechnic. It is indeed a hard daunting emotional task, to overcome yourself and face reality in its truest sense. I think this shall be a metamorphsis for me, at least in terms of academics.

Another way to think about it is that my vocation - radiographer/radiologist (when I work my way up) would be one that is constantly in demand and one that would provide me with a stable, long term, anti-recession income. Which is true. It does sound better than a office-bound job that makes you into a white-collar zombie, in that Shenton Way Horde, looking at some odd paperwork, looking forward to a weekend or lunchbreak. How many engineers do you need anyway? How many accountants do you need? How many businessmen/women? The list is endless. But yes, I told myself, "Do you want to scrap into university and end up doing a mediocre course you have limited interest in, then end up hating your job for life?" Putting aside the prestige attached to the sound of Degree or that opposite of a Dipolma aside, what I really see is the trend of people from JC without any inkling of what they want in life/their interests, choosing a field that is popular and think it's a great way to go. No offence to any reader out there. Haha. Maybe it's just me trying to console myself amidst this grim situation. At least it works. =)

So far, I am really interested in brain-scans and heart-scans and how I can improve techniques of scanning to aid research in furthur developments in psychology and forsenics, for example. It sounds nifty.

Welcome to my full 3 years at NYP. I need to socialise more.

Katarche

2008-05-20T21:54:00.001+08:00

A vision made flesh. Enjoy.

Done.

2008-05-19T17:30:00.004+08:00

I just got back from Thekchen Choling temple and underwent something metamorphsizing. I took refuge today, from the above mentioned temple's leading teacher - Lama Thubten Namdrol Dorje. I got my own set of white/maroon novice non-Sangha robes, and they felt amazingly comfortable. It's like a dream that manifested finally, I have been secretly wanting to put on those robes and undergo the ceremony for ages. But it does take some level of skill to put on and look good. Otherwise, they're pretty awesome to wear. One downside of it is that they restrict your pace length, making you walk slower involuntarily. Which is a great way to remain mindful. Haha, so yeah.

Listened to the Guru of the temple expound on the concept behind Refuge-taking and explained the underlying guidelines that the refugee has to be aware of after the ceremony. Then I had to prostrate to the 3 Jewels and recite the Refuge mantras, afterwhich, a Buddha figurine, a stupa, and a cloth-bound Dharma text are tapped lightly upon the foreheads, and throat respectively. That signified the combining essence of the whole Dharma activities into oneself, thus perfecting him.

Afterwhich, the Guru presented each one's Refuge Certificate. My refuge/Dharma name is Thubten Choden. Voila. Done. =)

Namo Guruaya
Namo Buddhaya
Namo Dharmaya
Namo Sanghaya.

Be hailed, The Teacher, the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha.
Me in my robes, at home, lol. Surreal feeling.

=)

Somehow, I feel inherently different thereafter, in a sense that I feel pretty much clear-headed and subtly inspired. I take it as a good thing.

My first X-ray exposure!

2008-05-15T19:53:00.005+08:00

Today, I did my first X-ray exposure. It was a very nice experience, no doubt. I especially liked the part when you need to manually process your film like how you develop your old school photographs, in the darkroom. That room just makes you so calm, and the red hues give off a nice ambience. Haha. I really like the place. I did 2 exposures, one with the phantom hand (think real human bones encased in engineered human flesh-like scilicon) and one with my Sony Mp3 player. Here are the outcomes after the manual processing procedures.

I have no idea but the whole process of aligning the X-ray casette and the object of interest under the beam's scope and the manual processing gave me a very meditative sensation. It calmed me and brought my mind to a subtle sense of peace. Perhaps it *is* my vocation. Ah ack.
In other news, I received a ''negative'' letter from SMU. Not too concerned about that, since I don't really like their mentality and how they operate. =)

I really have nothing much to rant about recently. It's just school, physics, listening to people speaking with a very odd accent ("burst --> bus, furs --> far, determine --> determine"), eating prata at North canteen, eating Macs again and again, gossiping about a certain 26 year old guy in my course, and having a great time with my coursemates. Time flies, it's the 5th week I am in a poly now, and it doesn't feel that long. I think this is the second best school experience besides Nan Chiau's. ^_^ Be honoured, Felicitians/Integral people!

On a personal note, I really wonder how did I survived slacking for months at home using the computer all day prior to restarting school. I use it for 2 - 3 hours now, and I got bored of it. Lol.

On a cosmic note, I think it is ever more probable that planetary destruction will set in by 2012. Just look at the proximity of the dates of the 2 massively-lethal natural disasters - Burma's giant cyclone and China's demon earthquake. One in early May, one is middle May. With hundreds of thousands died, the Earth is surely fucking furious.

The Mighty Boosh Live DVD

2008-05-07T22:53:00.001+08:00

These guys are fucking briliant. I was laughing so hard. I highly recommend "The Mighty Boosh" to any comedy fans. It's like the next British's Monty Python. =D

I need more Boosh!

2008-05-05T22:42:00.004+08:00

"I can see you but you can't see me
I could touch you and you wouldn't even feel me
Wait a second and you'll settle down
I'm just waiting 'til you really let your guard down
You're relaxed, you're sublime, you're amazing
You don't even know the danger you're facing
If I'm quiet, I'll slide up behind you
And if you hear me, I'll enjoy trying to find you

I've been with you all day
I'm trying to stay calm
I'm impatient and it's really hard to breathe
I'm going to empty you and fill you in with me

Just keep the violence down
Not yet-Don't make a sound
Oh, God I'm feeling it
It's reaching fever pitch
My skin is caving in
My heart is driving out
No mercy, no remorse
Let nature take its course

Watching-Bring me to my knees
Waiting-I am your disease
Lover-Set my symptom free
Covered-You won't feel a thing

I'm sweating through my veins
I'm trying to hold on
It's unbearable, It's almost worse for me
I'm gonna to tear you apart and make you see-Make you see

Watching-Bring me to my knees
Waiting-I am your disease
Lover-Set my symptom free
Covered-You won't feel a thing

This is the virus, the virus of life
This is inside us, The crisis, The knife

It's almost time to play/It's time to be afraid
I can't control the pain/I can't control in vain
Oh God, I'm ready now/You're almost ready now
I'm gonna love you now/I'm gonna put you down
I see you in the dark/I see you all the way
I see you in the light/I see you plain as day
I wanna touch your face/I wanna touch your soul
I wanna wear your face/I wanna burn your soul

Watching-Bring me to my knees
Waiting-I am your disease
Lover-Set my symptom free
Covered-You won't feel a thing

You can't stop me

This is the virus, the virus of life
~ Slipknot's The Virus of Life"

This song popped into my mp3 player today on the bus, memories came flooding back.

In other note, congratulations on David Blaine's breath-hold world record, a whooping 17 mins 4.4 seconds, very much incredibly impressive. This led me to my sudden interest in the little known extreme aquatic discipline called Static Apnea. Haha.

Otherwise, nothing much to rant about.

Oh yes! I am so amused by the concept of The Mighty Boosh's Stationary Village, here's it:

Gawd, hot guys (referring to Noel Fielding only) and excellent comedy = bestest.

Hilarious

2008-04-28T23:27:00.004+08:00

Today in school, during one of the many breaks we have to wait through, my clique played an incredibly awesome questionnaire/storyline game. So awesome, I have to blog it here. =)

The game goes like this; We have to answer a series of ''meme-styled'' questions, compile them. Then someone will fit the meme-answers into a series of sentences so that it will sound like it's a complete story or at least, a PWP.

So what my story/PWP sounded something like this,
"I met Russell Brand at the Neoprint place."
Q:"Does he look ugly?"
"Definitely, you bet!"
Q: "How many times did you had sex with him? And where?"
"6, at the Neoprint place."
Q: "Wow, what did he give you in the end?"
"Anything girly."
Q: "And what did he say to you at the end?"
"Let's go to the neoprint place..."

Bah, it's hard to explain here. One has to be involved to enjoy it fully.

In other news, this is my team's entry for the Theory 11 CCC. Watch if you are visually-inclined. Thank you!

Can't wait for labour day holiday.

Pleasant news

2008-04-25T21:00:00.002+08:00

My suspicion as stated in my previous post is proved accurate! Those individuals in my course are indeed metalheads. *throws black coloured confetti and horns up* I am so happy to know like-minded people are within my vincity almost everyday now and that I finally feel normal for once. Haha!

Anyway, to have a short introduction of the 2 awesome people, we have Timothy who listens to old school metal and abit of black metal (at least that's what I know so far) and Anitha who listens to trash and power metal. Very extremely nifty. =) Now, I have a reason to dig out my (scant amount of) metal shirts and iron them. Haha! We might even go to gigs together next time! How nifty can things get? ^^

Can't wait to hang out with them more, inside school or outside. lol.

Looks like I won't be a retired metalhead any time soon with them around. Keep the spirit high, legions! XD

Hell, I don't even mind if my university applications aren't smooth now. The people at my poly course are nice enough, and I am studying something I definitely could enjoy and relate to. It's indeed not a bad option, afterall.

Then again, my dad dreamt I got into NTU. =/

Bah. *goes off to flourish*

Content

2008-04-22T18:59:00.003+08:00

I met Yvonne in school today before I was about to depart school for home, it's a great feeling to meet someone you know for years in school. It made my day easily. I hope she'll be free enough for us to meet for lunch sometime soon. =)

I received a deck of Absolute Vodkas from Morten who is from Norway, very nice gift indeed. The deck is significantly thinner and they handle well for cuts. This made my day too. Thanks, Morten! Nifty namecard you got there too. =)

I also received my Subway membership card this evening, now my wallet is getting abnormally thick. >_>

I realised my blog is getting scant and very uninteresting, my apologies. I am developing a thing where I have difficulties getting my thoughts out in complete coherent sentences, people call it "Writer's block" I believe. I have no idea, but I know I have nothing much to rant about, since my teenage angst is largely gone. I'm 19, hardly a teen now anyway. Lol. Speaking of teenage thingies, I have been relishing my earlier days recently, by listening to my old burned CDs of songs I used to listen to obsessively in my lower secondary days. It was a highly pleasurable experience, to remain in touch with your memories from time to time and to just let go of your "worries about the future" and be noslagtic.

Like for example, when I clicked on "How you remind me" by Nickelback. My inner core just went, "Awww" and I kept a smile listening to it. That song reminded me very heavily of NCHS' Secondary 1 trip to KL, Malaysia in June 2002, of which the above song was on frequent play in my discman. I was only 13 then, such an incredibly young age that I have difficulties relating to right now. I remember very vividly the long night-long bus ride to the Firefly attraction, to the seafood restuarant at the side of the barren highway, to Coral Hotel where we wrecked havco by playing Hotel-Hide-and-Seek all night... It was just incredible, surreal too. I could recall Kailing, SiPing and some others who started a Truth or Dare thing in the tour bus, when I got interrograted by the entourage, I spilled that I have a thing for Alden. Such silly things... =P Good memories though. It's not something you will get to fool around when you start to reach adulthood. I wonder how people can get so conceited, fake, unnecessarily complicated and hypocritical in such a short time during their teenage years. If only people carry some of their purity in their lives, everything will be much more pleasant, no more backstabbing, no more stupid rumours, no more unneeded gossipings, no more bad karma, no more politics, no more mindgames. Isn't that much appealing than feeling constricted with doubtful thoughts all day long? =)

Then again, my sister would rebuke me but stating, "Things are like that! Stop whining and just do your own shit." True, but it's not a very pleasant way to think of things. One must always have a hope...

Change

2008-04-16T15:48:00.002+08:00

Well, it's been 3 days into the school term at my next studying destination - NYP. Not sure of what to say of it, but it's definitely a far far vast gap away from what I experienced back in JC, in terms of lecture-speed and the depth of the topic covered. For example, in anatomy and pysiology's cell structure portion, they only listed down the organelles and gave 1 liners for their functions with no detailed pictures accompanying the notes. It's, unfortunately, very brief. Sigh. But, I am slightly challenged for the Radiation Physics module, it's been more than 2 years since I thought in terms of physics, but, I see no problems so far. It's just formulae and subsituting values. =) The timetable is very staggered as well, with many breaks in between, and quite abit of early dismissals. Definitely very different from the hectic schedule I have undergone back in JC. I had sociology lecture today, the new perspective of looking at things is rather nifty, but I have to disagree on the part where people's actions are dependent on societal factors, you can't deny the fact that there are people who are strong-willed and has his own ideals. Ah wells.

Another thing that I am not used to is the sudden influx of metalheads around me in an academic environment. I used to be the isolated case study in both secondary school and JC, doing my own kvlt thing secretly. Now I see people walking around in metal shirts and boots, I feel normal suddenly, for once. Haha! I have witnessed 8 to 10 metalheads just today, one with a full gear of a Morbid Angel shirt, black pants and boots. I went, "Hmm! Nice sight!" Two people in my course are suspected metalheads because one wore an Iced Earth shirt, one wore a Megadeth shirt. I am not too sure if I want to confirm my conjecture or to expose my idenity yet. Who knows? They might just happen to own the shirts or they are posers. Thirdly, there might be a very high chance that I will be the most br00tal kvlt metalhead amongst them all... Haha!

Thou shalt not think I have conceded defeat to polytechnic, I remind you. I still very much yearn for a green light from the Universities.

Other side notes: I went to AMK Hub for lunch today, a group of American Mormons joined my table at Subway due the shortage of seats. When I saw their nametags, I went, "Oh my. Christians, and worse, Mormons!" then continued to eat. But we talked for awhile, lol.

Then I saw a dude with coins embedded in his ears. That was an ultimate David Lynch moment, I felt as though I was in the set of Blue Velvet or something. Haha. Burr weird.

LOL

2008-04-12T21:21:00.002+08:00

I was really getting misanthropically bored out of my dear skull and then Vika sent me a thingy that cracked me up. Really pleasant intermission of my weekend-shunyata. ^_^

She sent me this link to this picture:HAHA! Then we went on to talk about printing sci-fi stories and porn on toilet paper. And saying that we could start a business by charging people by the minute in the toilet with the special toilet rolls. Lol.